


I'll Cover You

by AreYouOnFire



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 19:53:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 34,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14385954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AreYouOnFire/pseuds/AreYouOnFire
Summary: This finds our favorite doctor and ex-fighter pilot during “Heroes” but takes their story somewhere else entirely. In that sense, I guess, it is an AU story.





	1. In The Line of Duty

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks:  
> Thank you to my anonymous beta reader who edited parts of this and was my inspiration for even starting to write fanfic, let alone fanfic with cuddly bits. If you find any mistakes still, they’re in unedited parts of the fic and solely mine.
> 
> Warnings:  
> Contains mention of domestic abuse and some violence (military combat).

_“A magic dwells in each beginning,  
protecting us, telling us how to live.”_

_\- Herrman Hesse “Steps”_

 

The situation on P3X-666 was a bloody mess. Literally. This was one of the toughest combat scenarios that Sam had ever had the misfortune to be a part of. They were under heavy fire from dozens of Jaffa both on the ground as well as in the air. It was becoming impossible to hold their position.

“Sir! We gotta fall back!”

Jack registered Carter yelling at him but Dr. Fraiser had just radioed him that she needed more time. They would have to hold the fort for just a bit longer, so Fraiser could save the lucky bastard whom she was taking care of right now. He was certain that without Fraiser here there would have been fatalities already.

Sam ran over to him and took cover directly beside him.

“Sir, we can’t hold this position for much longer. Shouldn’t we fall back?”

“Can’t, Carter, not yet. Doc Fraiser is still busy trying to stabilize someone so they’ll have a chance at surviving the trip home. In fact, I don’t really need your firepower here, we got it covered as much as possible. Head on over to Fraiser’s position. She’s in that patch of forest over there with Daniel. See if you can lend a hand. Maybe that way we can move things along more quickly and get the hell out of here.”

“Yes, sir.”

Sam got up, keeping her head down and fell into a jog. Then she was sprinting from cover to cover, shooting off rounds very quickly and precisely now and then, taking down three Jaffa on her way, never giving Jack a chance to cover her back at all. She didn’t need it.

When Jack saw her disappear into the woods unscathed, he decided maybe he should breathe again. It would be alright. Sam would be a significant help to Fraiser. They’d be done much more quickly and they’d make it out of here all in one piece.

“That’s the plan, anyway”, he muttered under his breath and fired at an approaching group of Jaffa.

“Sam, over here!” Daniel had spotted her from about a hundred yards away and waved her over to them. She had almost reached them.

Sam took in the scene. Janet was hunched over her patient, Daniel assisting her. Then things happened both way too quickly and agonizingly slowly all at the same time. Janet looked up for a split-second, giving Sam a quick nod of acknowledgement and a faint smile.

Then the distinct sound of a staff weapon being fired.

Way too loud.

Way too close.

Way too precise.

Without thinking and while covering the remaining ground between her and them, Sam fired and the Jaffa went down. Panting, she checked to make sure he was dead and then turned to Janet:

“Are you, o…?”

She didn’t finish her question. Janet was down. She had been hit. Her BDUs were soaked in blood. Her eyes open, unseeing. Sam vaguely registered Daniel - clearly in shock - but trying to take care of their patient by himself now.

A sense of absolute horror and dread washed over her. Her world suddenly seemed unstable, shifting, tilting. She sank to her knees and not taking her eyes off Janet, she started screaming:

“Nooo!”

 

Sam woke up drenched in sweat and panting. Her heart was racing. She was at home. In her bed. And Janet had not just been killed in the line of duty and on HER watch. She was still busy distinguishing the horrors she had just seen from the reality she had woken up to. Her world hadn’t actually been shattered. But it had all felt so damn real…

She checked her cell phone to see what time it was. 2 AM. There was also a missed call, she noticed. From Janet. Sam felt a bit silly about the amount of relief she was feeling, let alone the goofy smile she was sure she was displaying right about now.

_Sheesh, get a grip, woman, you had a stupid nightmare_ , she chastised herself while calling her voicemail to see if Janet left a message.

“Hey! Wow, you must already be asleep, I guess. Really thought I’d still catch you hanging at some bar or something. Anyway, I’ll be in a bit earlier than usual tomorrow, around 6:30 AM. Will be dropping off Cassie at 6 for her trip to summer camp. Maybe you wanna grab a coffee before work? Just drop me a line or call me back when you get this. Bye!”

Hm. Sam caught herself almost hitting the call button. _Don’t be ridiculous_ , she thought to herself. _It’s 2 AM. Let the woman sleep. Text her, then grab some more zzzs yourself._

She sent off a quick text:

“Sorry, yeah, had already passed out. That off-world mission we came back from the other day was a bitch. Anyway, now you know how uneventful my life off-base really is :P. Will gladly join you for a cup of coffee in the morning. Will call you around 6 AM. Maybe that way I’ll get to say goodbye to Cassie before she leaves as well. Sweet dreams.”

Janet’s voicemail had done a wonderful job in counteracting the effects of the nightmare. It would be lovely to see Janet first thing in the morning and get to talk a little about something other than work. Let alone being able to give her a really good hug and secretly celebrating that she was alive and life hadn’t become a living nightmare. They rarely got a chance to hang out as their schedules didn’t always align but Sam enjoyed their time together a lot, when it worked out. Of course, they often “just” got together to either discuss something concerning Cassie or celebrate some more or less momentous event in Cassie’s life. It was rarely ever just the two of them, so having coffee just by themselves was even more of a rare treat.

Sam fell back asleep with a smile on her face.

 

Her alarm went off at 5:45 AM and woke her from a dream she had already forgotten by the time she opened her eyes. However, for a moment she remembered the nightmare and for some reason she couldn’t quite grasp, it hit her again much more than it should have. Having the events of the dream flash before her eyes again made her violently ill and she quickly darted into the bathroom just in time. Shaking from the effort of throwing up she looked at herself in the mirror. _What the hell, Major? Get a grip._

Shrugging the incident off and forcefully putting everything connected to it out of her mind, she called Janet.

“Hey you, it’s me.”

“Hey yourself! You’re just in time. Cassie is about to get on the bus. Hold on, I’ll get her for you. Cassie! Come on, it’s Sam!” Janet handed the phone over to Cassie.

“Hey Sam, cool that you called!”

“Of course, kiddo. Are you excited about the trip?”

“Well, semi-excited. Just heard I’m room-sharing with a girl I don’t know all that well.”

Sam smiled to herself. Ah, to be a teenager again when your biggest problem is with whom you have to share a room.

“Aww, come on, give her a chance. You never know, once you talk and get to know her you may come back as BFFs! I’m sure you’ll end up having a great time. I’ll be thinking of you and I’ll want to hear all about it, when you come back okay? I’ll come over and we’ll do pizza night.”

“Deal! Miss you.”

“Miss you, too, kiddo. Now go and have a ridiculous amount of fun. Love ya!”

“Thanks, and ditto, bye Sam!”

There was some audible fumbling and Sam overheard Cassie’s and Janet’s goodbyes. Then Janet was back on, sounding a bit sniffly.

“Hey, so off she goes. I’m glad you two got to talk before she left, that was sweet of you.”  
“Of course, and hey, I know you’ll miss her but it’s only two weeks, you know. It’ll fly by.”

“Yah, I know. You know I’m a big wimp about goodbyes. Hate ‘em.”

Sam chuckles. “Yes, I’ve noticed on occasion. But you’re her mom, I think you obsess the absolute appropriate amount.”

Janet laughed out loud: “Why thank you for the high praise!”

“Anytime. Oh, I promised her I’d come over for pizza when she gets back, so she can tell us how it was. That’s okay, right?”  
She could practically hear Janet beaming over the phone: “Of course it is. Pizza night is long overdue anyway. I feel I’ve not seen you outside of work in ages.”

“True. Well, what do you say, we stop talking on the phone then and meet up for that coffee you suggested? The little coffee shop at the crossroads like 5 minutes out from Cheyenne Mountain? The Starbucks further down is always so crowded. Sound okay to you? I could be there in 10.”

“That’s perfect. See ya in a few!”

 

Sam arrived first, got two cups of coffee and found a table by the window. She was about to sit down when someone tapped on her shoulder. She turned around to see Janet beaming at her:

“Hey you!”

Sam smiled back broadly: “Hey, yourself!”

She wrapped her arms around the much shorter woman. Sam held Janet more tightly than usual and the hug probably lasted a few seconds too long but the relief to see her was quite overwhelming. For a second she even found herself having to fight back tears. This wasn’t like her at all. She had frequent nightmares. It was a work thing. Often it was about team members getting hurt. This was the first time it was about someone, and specifically Janet, actually dying but still, it was just a nightmare. _Why is this affecting me so much?_

Sam suddenly realized that she had been lost in thought and Janet was saying something while they were sitting down.

“I’m sorry?”

Janet repeated what she had said with quite a smug smile on her face: “I said that was quite the hug! You must have missed me, huh?”

Sam blushed a little. _Oh my god, woman, what is going on with you? She just asked if you missed your friend. That’s it._  
“Well, yes! It’s been a while. I was glad you asked to meet up. How have you been?”  
“To be honest, I asked to meet up because I wanted to propose something.”

This time Sam put the breaks on her mind derailing in a nano-second: _It’s a perfectly normal word to use. Chill._ Clearly that nightmare had brought some previously well-buried feelings out of the woodwork again. _Oh boy._ _Focus._ With all of that internal monologue going on she prided herself on audibly just saying: “Oh?”

“Yah. We’ve really not been hanging out all that much and, well,” Janet fumbled around with her napkin for no reason and cleared her throat.

_Is she blushing? No, of course, not, why would she be, I really must be losing it,_ Sam thought to herself.

“I thought we could try to do something about that. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose touch. Not just because of Cassie, but of course, she’d like to have you over at our place more often as well. And for you and I, I think, it would be great to talk about some of the stuff at work that we can’t discuss with anyone else. I know you see a lot of stuff on your missions. I know the military offers counseling to deal with these things but I’m also your doctor and know you never make use of that. But you could talk to me. And it goes both ways. You know as well as I do that we are often understaffed while the mission frequency increases and we get a lot of work in the infirmary.”

Sam was listening intently, focusing completely on Janet and she nodded quietly at her last statement.

“Just like you, I’ve learned to deal with anything that happens in this job and on this special assignment in particular. But lately, I’ve been very aware that I can’t talk to anyone openly about what it takes to keep things going and stay focused and compassionate while still disassociating myself so I can be the best possible help to the people who need me. And you and I both have clearance, so we can discuss anything mission-related as long as I don’t use patient names. And I know for sure that I can trust you with anything.”

Sam was on high alert now. Janet had not made eye-contact since she had started talking and it was evident this request was important to her and she was struggling with it and anxious about how Sam might react.

More to the point: Janet wasn’t one to ask for a shoulder to cry on, ever. She was a consummate professional and yes, extremely compassionate with her patients but she always handled her job flawlessly and could compete with the best medical professionals in the country, easily. Which is why she got this assignment in the first place.

Yet, now she was basically asking Sam to be her safe outlet for events at work that posed an emotional or psychological challenge to her. She wouldn’t just ask for this when everything was peachy. Sam also didn’t believe that things had just accumulated over time and that that was why she was asking now.

It was sheer impulse that made Sam reach across the table with her left hand to take a hold of Janet’s right.

“Hey,” she spoke in a low voice almost a whisper, “Janet, I’m in. I don’t need convincing. I know I can trust you with anything, too. And while I like to portray the stoic soldier who can’t be broken by anything she sees or anything that happens to her, I think you know - I KNOW you know - that that is the professional front I have to keep up. Not just to fit in with “the boys” but simply because we’re in the military and need to stay detached and in control or else the mission suffers. So, yes, absolutely, let’s try and hang out more regularly.”

_Wait_ , she thought, _that’s lame-ass, non-committal bullshit. You can do better than this. Come on, let go of your fear of those feelings you have for her and that you have obviously no idea how to handle and focus on what’s needed here. For Janet’s sake._

“Ok, wait. Let me rephrase that… since Yoda put it so well, I’m gonna quote him here: “Do, there is no try”.”

She squeezed Janet’s hand to get her to look at her and smiled at her broadly when warm brown finally looked into bottomless blue again for the first time in the whole conversation. Despite herself, Janet was smiling back.

“You quote only the most highly regarded sources, don’t you?”

“Always!”

Sam was relieved that she had managed to inject some levity into this conversation. Becoming suddenly aware that they were still holding hands, she let go of Janet’s hand a bit too quickly, suddenly self-conscious of the gesture.

“Okay, so seriously, let’s not leave this to be some vague thing we’ve agreed on but never made specific. Let’s make an actual plan we both commit to. Something we can then, separately, take up with Hammond perhaps, to have it worked into our schedules as much as possible. He agreed to that in regard to that regular PTA meeting you have at Cassie’s school, right?”  
“Yes, he did. Actually, we could bypass Hammond in my case completely, if it would be okay for you to just meet after the PTA meetings? They are on Friday evenings. Would that work for you?”

“Absolutely, I’ll talk to him today about keeping me off the schedule on Friday evenings as much as possible.”

“Thank you! That means a lot.” Janet’s eyes brimmed with tears of gratitude.

“Hey, it’s not charity!”

Sam, was desperate to get Janet to cheer up some more. It was also pretty clear to her that there must have been a trigger for all of this and she so wanted to give Janet an outlet to talk about whatever it was… But that would have to wait until Friday because they had to be at work in 10 minutes and it was pretty clear that this would be a conversation that shouldn’t be rushed.

“I fully expect to drone on about boring-as-fuck missions to you, complaining how they sometimes drag on and we get no valid scientific findings of any kind for me to play with at all”, she dragged out and played up that last word a bit to add some pretend-drama and cheer up Janet some more.

“Plus, I fully expect us to also get some nice chillaxing in as well, won’t we? I foresee every Doris Day movie known to man in our future (I know you love her) and I will subject you to numerous viewings of the likes of “Independence Day”, the “Alien” franchise in its entirety and – of course – “Top Gun”.”  
Janet had been smiling for a while now; almost imperceptibly shaking her head in disbelief of her friend’s very obvious but also very effective attempts at cheering her up. At the mention of “Top Gun” she burst out laughing and sighed: “Oh boy, what have I started here.”  
“Well, be careful what you wish for, Doctor.” Sam winked at Janet. She was relieved. It seemed now that her best friend had finally relaxed again.

Janet was busy with her own thoughts: _What exactly did that comment and the wink mean, I wonder? Ah, nothing. I’m sure I’m reading too much into it. Wishful thinking, much?_

Audibly she said: “Indeed.”

And completely without any rational thought while saying that she shot Sam a meaningful glance, smiling softly at her.

_Way to go with not reading too much into things Janet!_ But as much as her brain chastised her for her playful retort, she couldn’t help but notice Sam swallow hard and her eyes widen for a second as a reaction to the way she had looked at her.

“Alright”, Sam said, once she had composed herself a little. “We should go, I guess. You ready?”

“Yah, let’s head on over to the Mountain.”

As they got up and put on their coats Sam stepped a little closer to Janet so nobody could overhear.

“Listen, I know you didn’t bring this up just out of the blue. I can tell something recently happened that brought this on. And I’m so glad you came to me with it. I really want you to know that. There is no time now, or else I would love to hear what you are struggling with, so you can get it out and don’t feel you have to shoulder it all by yourself. But it’s a date this Friday evening for absolute sure and I’ll be all yours then.” She reassuringly stroked up and down Janet’s left arm and ended up holding her hand again and giving it a squeeze. “Okay?”

Janet’s eyes told her that she was right on the mark about something having happened to trigger all this. Sam suddenly found herself in the arms of the tiny brunette again.

“Thank you”, Janet whispered softly into her ear. “You have no idea what this means to me.”

Sam wrapped her arms around her and they held each other for a few moments longer. Neither of them felt quite ready to let go but they were going to be late, if they prolonged this any further. Reluctantly they both let go and looked into each other’s eyes once more.

For once their inner monologues had no counter-arguments or snide remarks or self-deprecating humor to offer. This was bigger than any insecurities.

It was crystal-clear to both of them that they had basically just told each other how much they valued having the other in their life and that was wonderful and perfect all in itself. It needed no category to be put in; no label attached to it.

Not yet, anyway.

 

They arrived at Cheyenne Mountain and both switched into work mode and went their separate ways.

After changing into her BDUs Sam immediately went to the scheduled mission meeting for the day. She hadn’t heard what was up for the day yet and was excited to find out, where they would be heading and what to expect. She loved the uncertainty of her work days. It never got boring.

She met Jack on the staircase to the meeting room and they joined Daniel and Teal’c who had already taken their seats.

“Good morning, SG-1”, Hammond started the meeting.

“We have a situation that I’ve already briefed SG-5 on and we will wait a minute with your briefing because we’re waiting for the medical team to join us. They will be coming along on this mission as well.”

_Uh oh,_ Sam thought, _that probably means it’s a rescue mission for one of the other teams and there are casualties. Nope, not good at all._ She steeled herself against the worst of the possibilities the day might hold. This was no fun, explorative mission. This was an entirely different thing. All bets were off.

“Morning, Sir”, Janet and her away-mission team had just joined SG-1 in the meeting room. Sam and Janet smiled at each other and each gave a quick nod. It was good to have Janet along on missions because she could take care of minor injuries that otherwise would mean they’d have to gate home, which slowed down everything. It rarely happened though as luckily rescue missions were few and far between and there were rarely explorative missions were the medical team was needed to come along for on-site analysis or evaluation of some medical issue.

“Good morning, Dr. Fraiser, glad you and your team could join us”, Hammond greeted them.

“Of course, Sir.”  
“Alright, this is the situation:”, Hammond started in on the specifics of the mission briefing.

Sam listened intently, making sure she’d ask all the relevant questions to their part of the mission, so she could later on help Jack assess their best possible tactical action plan.

“SG-13 and SG-3 are currently under heavy fire from between 150-200 Goa'uld. It was an ambush that was impossible to foresee and we have to deal with the situation as it is unfolding now. There have been numerous casualties already and the mission goal is minimization of any further casualties and getting both teams home safely.

Dr. Fraiser, your team will be required to treat approximately four wounded soldiers on-site to get them stable for gate travel, as well as assist in the retrieval of two soldiers who died in the line of duty. You’ll find the current condition of the four soldiers in question fully documented in the mission folder. Familiarize yourself with it and assess how much medical equipment needs to be taken along.  
SG-1, all current known positions of the SG teams as well as the Goa'uld are documented in the briefing folder as well. As always, things may have changed since the information was taken down. Still, commit it to memory and devise your action plan based on it but be ready to adapt to the actual situation on site. Any questions?”

Sam (and to some extent Daniel) were the only ones who cared about the designations of the planets that were still new to them. Once they were known and categorized into uninhabited, inhabited or whatnot, the designations became more meaningful but as they travelled to so many planets, they usually made a point to remember only the important ones. So, in briefings the planet designations were only mentioned when they’ve been to the planet in question before, so they could check what the conditions were the last time around and take it from there.

Sam looked at Jack to see if he was going to say something so she could let him speak first but he shook his head and waved at her as a go ahead.

“Sir, if I may, on which planet is the ambush taking place?”

Hammond flipped open the briefing folder to check.  
“You’ll be gating to P3X-666. Anything else? No? OK, good luck. You’ll leave at 0900. Dismissed.”

Everyone got up and began leaving the room, chatting in low voices about the upcoming mission. Sam just sat there. White as a sheet. P3X-666. The planet from her dream.

This couldn’t be happening. Shakily she got up and went to retrieve her mission briefing that Hammond was handing out as people left the room. She wordlessly took it, left the room and went off into one of the corridors that were hardly ever used, so she could be alone for a moment. She leaned against the wall, doubled over for a second and took a deep breath.

_Stay calm. Even if you heard correctly and it is the same planet: It doesn’t mean anything_. She closed her eyes for a moment. Clearing her throat, she opened the folder to the first page, where essentials like the planet designation could be found. P3X-666.

She felt sick. It WAS the same planet. There was zero doubt. She wasn’t superstitious at all but she felt an overwhelming sense of dread. _This is gonna happen. It’s going to happen exactly as I saw it in my dream. It’s too much of a coincidence._

For the second time that day she ran to the nearest bathroom to empty her stomach. Sweaty and shaking, she tried to clear her head and think.

_Okay, I can’t fall apart here. I need to do something. I need to change somehow what I saw happening._ She needed to find a way to get to Janet sooner than in her dream, so she could cover her and prevent her from being fatally wounded. That was something that she absolutely would not allow to happen. It couldn’t and she’d make sure of it. Janet was still going to be there tomorrow and they’d spend Friday evening together and if it was up to Sam, every Friday evening from there on out, to eternity. That was the plan. The universe could just suck it up and would have to adjust to the fact that the day would happen differently than it was planned in the grand scheme of things.

There was a knock on the door.

“Sam? You okay?” It was Daniel.

Sam took a deep breath.

“Fine, give me a second. Be right out.”

She shot herself another look in the mirror and whispering to herself gave herself a pep talk: “You’re just gonna change things today. No big deal. All you have to do is be at Janet’s location earlier. Piece of frigging cake, okay?!”

She stepped out, avoiding eye contact with Daniel.

“Hey,” he said, “everything okay? I saw you in the briefing room. At the end there you looked like you’ve seen a ghost.”

She met his eyes. Looking at him for a moment she made a decision. She was going to let him in, partially because he could actually help her get to Janet sooner.

She took a deep breath.

“Listen, it’s gonna sound insane and I can’t go into detail but suffice it to say, I have this”, she paused, “this overwhelming sense of impending doom with this mission. I know the situation is dire to begin with but we’ve seen that before and that doesn’t faze me. We deal with it. But this, I have this sense of foreboding, you know?”

She wrestled with herself over how much to actually tell Daniel. She didn’t want to be taken off the mission and sent for a psych evaluation. She needed to sound sane, although that was the last thing this was.

“What do you think is gonna happen?”

Daniel looked at her in a completely non-judgmental way and there was only curiosity in his eyes, and some concern. _Bless his heart_ , Sam thought.

“It’s probably nothing but I just want to be on the safe side, okay? Please do not tell her this, because I don’t want her to be nervous or anything but I get this sick feeling that something is going to happen to Janet on this mission, something awful. Like I said, it’s probably nothing and I’ll be the happiest person around if that turns out to be the case”.

Daniel registered the way she phrased this as highly emotional and suddenly wondered about Sam’s feelings for Janet. Realizing it was none of his business, he immediately chastised himself for his own thoughts.

“But,” Sam kept going, “let’s just please play it safe. I’m pretty sure Jack is gonna send you along with Janet to assist her as her away team is very small as usual and she’ll need more hands on deck. And it’s always you Jack picks for that.”

_Also, I know it’s gonna be you because I saw it in my dream but I can’t tell you that. God, this is insane._

“So, all I need you to do is radio Jack once you and Janet are both busy with a patient and have no-one there to cover you. Okay? Radio Jack immediately when that happens and ask him to send me to help you out. The important thing is that you really do it the SECOND you realize you’ll be without cover. If you manage that then I’ll have enough time to get to you guys and I’ll cover you and make sure nobody gets hurt. It’ll be a thing of beauty”, she tried to make light of things, so Daniel wouldn’t still send her for a psych evaluation after all, “and everyone’s gonna live.”

She smiled at him.

Daniel looked at her and rested a hand on her arm. “I get it,” and he really DID get it now.

As Sam had spoken he had been looking into her eyes and it was plain as day and he wondered why he had never noticed before. Janet meant everything to Sam.

Everything.

Period.

It was just that simple.

“It’s no problem at all. I do hope your gut feeling is wrong on the whole thing but if it isn’t then it seems like a simple enough fix. You can count on me. I’ll make sure to radio Jack the moment we are without cover. I give you my word.”

He looked at her sincerely and with compassion. Sam studied his eyes. She swallowed hard.

“Thank you. You’re a good friend, the best.” _So, he doesn’t think I’m nuts. But he knows. He’s also gonna keep it to himself though._

She hugged him tightly. He wasn’t military, so she allowed herself to be more of her actual self with him.

She gave him a smile, another grateful look, as well as another whispered “Thank you” and left to get her gear for the trip.

 

At 0900 everyone had assembled in the gate room. It took everything for Sam not to go over to Janet and just talk to her until they had to embark. What if things went horribly wrong and she couldn’t save her? What if this was the last time they saw each other?

But she couldn’t think like that. It would be detrimental to the mission and she also couldn’t let Janet get a whiff of things or that might frack things up royally, too. Best to have her be completely oblivious. She could tell her everything on Friday night. Funny how quickly that night had become the focal point of her life. Everything was headed that way. As long as Friday night came and really meant hanging out with Janet then things would be okay in Sam’s world.

 

SG-1 was the first to embark. They had to go past the medical team for that. Sam never took her eyes off Janet the whole time. Janet didn’t notice; she was still busy doing last minute briefings with her team and deciding who took care of which part of the equipment.

The address was dialed and the gate connection opened. Jack started off in the direction of the gate, Teal’c and Daniel followed him, then Sam.

She hung back just a little and made sure to walk directly past Janet, hoping to catch her eye. Janet touched Sam’s arm briefly as she passed. Their eyes met.

“Be careful out there. You have somewhere to be Friday night remember?”, she gave Sam a warm smile.

“Don’t I know it… and ditto… “, Sam struggled with the wording, she wanted to blurt out something else entirely here but that just wasn’t option, so she just said, “please, watch your back.”

She could barely keep her voice from cracking and she knew there were tears in her eyes. She couldn’t help it. She turned away from Janet and left for the gate but she caught the last look in Janet’s eyes and it had turned to concern. _Damn. Can’t be helped now. Focus. She needs you to be focused now. Nothing else matters. Just get her back home alive._

 

When they stepped out of the gate any remaining doubts Sam may have had about this being the planet from her dream evaporated in an instant. The scene was EXACTLY the same.

She didn’t allow herself to give in to panic, though. She expected this after all. And she was here for a rescue mission anyway, it was just that she would rescue a specific person while at it. She shut off all worries about Janet and concentrated on the directions Jack was giving out to everybody in terms of where to take cover and how to keep the enemy at bay. She would do everything by the book until Daniel radioed Jack.

It was hell. Just like in her dream, they couldn’t hold their position for long at all. They needed to fall back. But Sam didn’t talk to Jack about it, because the last thing she wanted to do was fall back. They needed to stay close to where she knew Janet and Daniel were or else she’d never be there in time to cover them.

She grew more restless the longer it took for Daniel to radio Jack. She knew if Janet was the first to radio Jack that would make it the same time-frame as in her dream, and then Janet would die.

Sam’s heart raced. _Please let it be Daniel who radios Jack first._ She repeated the sentence like a mantra to herself while she kept the enemy away from their position as much as possible.

Then a crackling sound: “Jack!? Jack?! Come in, Jack!?”

It was Daniel. An enormous sense of relief washed over Sam as she realized she had effectively changed the events from how they had unfolded in her dream.

She became much more confident that things would be okay. _Oh, please let it keep working out the way I planned._ She sent a silent prayer to the universe.

She couldn’t leave her position until Jack ordered her to, so despite knowing what needed to happen next, she couldn’t move yet. It was the hardest thing she ever had to do.

“Sam!” finally, Jack yelled to her. “Get over here. And stay alive while you do it!” She sprinted to his position, keeping her head down.

“Sir?”

“Daniel and Janet need you in that patch of forest over there. There’s no one to cover them and they need to focus on a patient. Haul ass and get there. Again: staying alive while doing so still applies, got it?”

“Yes, Sir, on my way!”

She ran. No slow jog at first as in her dream. She full-on RAN. She knew every second counted now. _Focus. You can’t make any mistakes now. Focus!_

 

She tried to have her eyes everywhere and shot precisely at some Jaffa who were nearby and taking aim at her. She was very aware that in order to keep Janet alive, first she had to keep herself alive. No easy feat. But this was what she was trained to do. In under a minute she had reached the forest, meaning she had sufficient cover for herself and was much safer than out in the open.

She kept running because she still had some ground to cover to reach Daniel and Janet. She couldn’t see them yet.

As she ran, somewhere in her mind she finally registered that she had been hit out there. There was a wound on her left arm though she was sure it was a through-and-through; years of experience told her (by the level of pain) that it hadn’t gone through the bone. So it was fine. It did happen to be bleeding like hell but that wasn’t an issue as she wasn’t going to be on this god-forsaken planet long enough for that to become a real problem.

 

Finally, she saw Daniel. Also, different to her dream, where Daniel had spotted her first. Sam was confident now that the events had sufficiently changed and she was gonna be there in time.

Still, she didn’t slow down while shouting: “Daniel!”

He looked her way. He looked worried. They must have had a serious issue with the patient they were dealing with.

“We could really use your help!” he yelled back.

Within seconds Sam was at their position. She quickly took in the scene and couldn’t see the Jaffa yet that had killed Janet in her dream. Good. But she needed to look for him.

“Hey guys,” she said.

Janet looked up and gave her a tired but also, for some reason relieved, smile, before turning her attention back to her patient. Clearly, she had been worried about Sam because of the over-emotional good-bye in the gate room.

“I’ll cover your backs first to make sure you can work safely. If everything is clear for a while I can assist with the patient, okay?”

It was Janet who spoke, without looking up again: “That would be great, thank you.”

 

Sam scanned their surroundings. It helped that she knew where to put her focus because she spotted the Jaffa as he was running towards them, aiming his staff weapon from quite a distance away.

But the problem was that she had already changed the events quite a bit. And it affected the behavior of this Jaffa. He shot his staff weapon from a distance instead of getting up close and personal. So Sam was late after all. She had no time to think, she needed to do something RIGHT THEN or it would be over. His first few shots missed and hit the ground around Janet, who was an absolute hero and didn’t even flinch, just kept her focus on her patient and kept caring for him. This was testament to her dedication to her work as well as her blind trust in Sam.

She knew she was there.

She knew she would cover her.

And that’s exactly what Sam did.

 

It all happened in a matter of seconds. Sam still had a bit of ground to cover to get to Janet, having been closer to Daniel when she spotted the Jaffa. She ran and fired at the Jaffa at the same time. She saw her shot land and that he was going down but she also saw him prepare to fire one last shot as he was falling.

“Nooooo!” Sam screamed at the top of her lungs and threw her body over Janet’s, forcefully toppling her over from her crouching position next to her patient. Sam covered Janet’s body completely with her own.

Sam looked back in the direction of the Jaffa and he was completely motionless, no shots being fired anymore. She’d got him. Sam sighed with relief and rolled to the left, off of Janet, and lay on her back for a moment.

She felt a bit weird. Probably the relief and giddiness from having succeeded. And dizzy, she felt dizzy. The sky she was looking at was out of focus. She didn’t care much though.

Then she saw Janet’s face enter her field of vision. She was hovering over her.

“Sam…” Janet whispered.

“Hey you,” Sam replied. “Are you okay?”

“I’m… “, Janet swallowed hard, “I’m fine. But sweetheart,”

_She called me sweetheart!_ \- Sam’s confused mind managed to celebrate this for a moment, “You’ve been hit.”

“What? Oh! Yeah, my arm. It’s not that bad, don’t worry. Through-and-through”, Sam reassured her, her speech slurring, which she thought was odd.

“No, Sam, please don’t talk so much.”

Sam suddenly felt drops of moisture on her face. _She’s crying. Why is Janet crying?_

“Daniel, I need more gauze and...”, Janet was struggling to talk, “a suture kit. We… we need to be quick or… And you need to keep the pressure on Airman Wells’ bandage by yourself please. I need to focus on Sam.”

“Okay”, Daniel’s voice was shaky. He tossed the gauze and suture kit over to Janet.

While she worked on Sam as quickly as possible, Janet said:  
“Sam, listen to me, okay? I know you don’t feel it because your body is shutting down but you’ve been hit, okay? It went into your back and exited on the left side of your abdomen. Don’t try to look now”, she gently pressed Sam’s shoulders back down when she made an effort to try and sit up.

“I, … I don’t feel anything.”

“I know, sweetheart.”

_There it is again, sweetheart. I’d love to hear her call me that on a daily basis, that would never get old… Sweetheart._

That was Sam’s second to last thought before falling into unconsciousness. Her last thought was:

_She’s alive. I saved her._

 

When she saw that Sam had finally passed out, Janet let go of her feelings and openly cried while she worked on her.

_This can’t be happening,_ she thought, _I can’t lose her now. We were just finding our way to each other. It’s not fair._

She felt Daniel’s hand on her back. “What can I do?”

“Wells?” Janet asked. Daniel just shook his head. Janet sighed heavily.

“Ok, please get on the radio with Jack, we need to get her out of here. All I can do here is keep the bleeding somewhat at bay but I can’t really operate here. Not the way she needs me to. Daniel, if we don’t get her through the gate and into surgery within the next half hour… we’re gonna lose her.”

She was shaking. Daniel’s face was a mask of sheer horror as he radioed Jack to get things moving FAST.

“Jack! Come in!”  
“Daniel, what’s up? Did Sam get to you and is covering your backs?”  
“Ye… yes but Jack… she’s hit. It’s bad.”

Silence.  
“What are you saying?”  
“Jack, she’s dying. If we don’t get her out of here in thirty, it’s over.”

Silence.

“God DAMN IT! Okay. Okay. Here is what you’re gonna do. Nobody else is going to get shot today, alright? What’s gonna happen is this: you and Doc Fraiser stay PUT. Is that clear? You do not move. I’ll come over there myself with some help and we’ll bug out of here without further ado. Sam is gonna get into surgery back home in time and Doc Fraiser is gonna save her and they’ll live happily ever after.”

Daniel first thought was that he heard that last part wrong but no, that was what Jack had said and Daniel realized he knew as well. Everybody knew it seemed, except the two women.

What he sent over the radio was:

“Wonderful plan. We’ll be here.”

He cut the connection and muttered to himself: “I hope they get their happily ever after”.

 

Janet didn’t hear him, she was 150% focused on Sam. But she had done about as much as she could there. She looked lost and helpless and heartbroken.

“Daniel, can you put pressure on the bandages on her arm please? I have no belts or anything else to do it with anymore, I’ve used all I could on her abdomen. The arm is the less severe wound of course but it doesn’t help things if… “, she tried to steady the quivering in her voice to no avail, “if she bleeds out before we get her home.”

“FUCK!”, she added defeatedly, sobbing openly. It was just Daniel with her and she couldn’t do anything more medically for Sam, so there was no further need to keep up any kind of professional façade.

Daniel just whispered, “Of course I will”. He quickly stroked Janet’s back in a completely futile attempt to soothe her while her world was crumbling down, then took care of his task.

 

Janet reached for Sam’s right hand and held it gently, using her thumb to stroke the back of her hand soothingly. Her other hand was stroking Sam’s hair.

Daniel felt like an intruder on a scene that he wasn’t meant to be a part of at all. His impression was that Janet was trying to pour all of her love into Sam in an effort to somehow have her know, although she couldn’t hear her anymore, or feel it. He felt sick to his stomach because at this moment it seemed as if Janet had lost hope and was saying goodbye.

When he saw her lean down to place a kiss on Sam’s forehead, crying uncontrollably now, he spoke up.

“Janet? Hey!”  
“Hm?” she didn’t look at him. She was beside herself with grief but it was too soon for that, Daniel thought.

“Janet! Listen to me. Jack is gonna be here. I know this feels like forever right now but they are actually just five minutes out, okay? They WILL be here in time and we WILL get Sam back home in time. And then she will need you. Do you hear me? You cannot give up on her now. She needs you to get her through this and you will get her through this, I know it.”

Janet looked at him.

“Daniel… I can’t lose her. This is not how it’s supposed to end for us. We haven’t even started yet.”

She didn’t care what he thought she meant, or if he was connecting the dots. It didn’t matter anymore and it shouldn’t have mattered before either.

There were more important things than rules.

People were more important than rules.

Daniel just said: “I know.”

Their eyes met and everything was clear between them.

Janet just nodded silently.

“And you’re right, you shouldn’t lose her and you won’t and that is the spirit she needs from you right now.”

Janet kept nodding as she studied Sam’s face, willing her eyes to open.

“I want to see her smile again”. She didn’t think that she had said it out loud but when Daniel reacted to it, she knew she had.

“You will. You’ll see. Have some faith in yourself. You’ll save her just like she saved you today.”

 

Moments later Jack and three other soldiers arrived with two stretchers. One for Wells, one for Sam.

Jack took in the scene and saw the amount of blood on Sam’s BDUs. Daniel could see it in his face that his hopes were sinking. He shot him a stern look and shook his head, nodding in the direction of Janet. Jack got it.

He cleared his throat:

“Janet, you got her ready for transport? Then we should head straight to the gate and get her to safety so you can fix her in no time, okay? I know you will. You always do. This time will be no different. I’d make it an order but I know I don’t have to.”

“She’s ready.” Janet simply said. She was exhausted. There were no more tears. She helped put Sam on a stretcher. Jack carried the stretcher himself, Daniel taking the other side.

Janet touched Jack’s arm as they started off. “Thanks”.

“Always”, he replied.

 

Things went smoothly. Even amid constant fire from the enemy they made it to the gate in record time. It was hard to believe only 20 minutes had passed since Sam was shot.

 

Sam was rushed into the operating room on the base as there was no time to take her anywhere else. Really, the base had everything necessary anyway, for Janet to do what was needed to save her life.

It was a four-hour operation. Sam coded once due to the amount of blood she had lost but they got her back in time. Overall things went as well as they possibly could have.

The whole team stayed around to hear the news directly from Janet after the surgery.

“She’d be thrilled to know you all stuck around to see how she is doing. Thanks for being here for her. It means a lot. We got her here in time but we almost lost her during the surgery. I… “, she tried to recollect herself, “she had lost too much blood but thankfully we managed to get her back and she is stable now. There’s some internal damage that I’m not sure about yet, in terms of how extensive it is. I do know it’s not life-threatening though, so it’s something I will discuss with her when she wakes up. As far as everything vital and everything essential to her work is concerned she will make a complete recovery.”

She mustered a smile.

“That’s wonderful, Janet”, Daniel said.

“Great work, Doc, never doubted you could do it though, you always manage to fix her”, Jack added.

“Indeed”, Teal’c said. To everyone’s surprise he added “I believe you did a most outstanding job, Janet Fraiser. It is hard to care for a loved one in such dire circumstances.”

The guys all shot each other surprised looks and raised eyebrows. Apparently Teal’c knew as well.

Janet barely registered it. She was beside herself with exhaustion and sleep-deprivation.

Everybody realized that and they headed home. Daniel stayed behind a moment. Janet was about to go set up a cot beside Sam’s bed in the infirmary to be able to watch over her but Daniel stopped her, turning her to him by her shoulders.

“Hey. You saved her. You did it. You can relax a bit now.”

Her eyes brimmed with fresh tears as she hugged him and let herself cry in his arms. He held her for a long time, stroking her back soothingly.

She eventually said: “You know, the worst is over but she has yet to wake up. It wouldn’t surprise me if she remained unconscious for weeks to come. Her body has a lot to deal with. And Daniel, I can’t really relax until she opens her eyes and looks at me, you know?” She finally let go of him.

“I get it. But take care of yourself. Once she’s back on her feet she’ll be hugging the living daylights out of you. You’ll need your strength for that!”

“I can’t wait”, the thought actually made Janet smile.

_Mission accomplished_ , Daniel thought to himself.

“Ok, I’ll leave you to it. I’m sure you wanna check up on her. Don’t forget to get some sleep though.”  
“Yes, and I won’t. Thanks Daniel. I mean it. I wouldn’t know what I’d have done without you, today. Thanks.”  
“Sure. See you tomorrow.”


	2. Aftermath

“two are born to cross

their paths, their lives, their hearts

if by chance one turns away

are they forever lost?”

 

Cowboy Junkies

 

Two weeks later, ‘their’ Friday evening had come and gone once already, and the second Friday had come around. While they had still spent both days together it was far from what either of them had hoped it would be like.

Sam’s condition was serious but stable and she still hadn’t opened her eyes. Janet hadn’t left the base even once since they got back from P3X-666.

From the very first night onwards, she had slept on a cot next to Sam’s bed in the infirmary. She also tried to spend as much of her working day by Sam’s side as she could without it raising any eyebrows. She wanted to make sure she’d be there when Sam finally opened her eyes again. She wanted Sam to see a familiar face and she wanted to reassure her that things would be fine.

Selfishly, she also needed to look into Sam’s eyes again. Ever since they’d met she had always found warmth, compassion and understanding in them. She especially missed that spark of excitement and wonder they always held when Sam was delivering one of her scientific theories, let alone the way Sam’s eyes lit up when she spent time with Cassie or the way they would give away in advance whenever Sam was about to make some smartass quip.

But that wasn’t all. That morning before the mission when they had talked at the coffee shop and Janet had (to some extent at least) laid her cards on the table about wanting to spend more time together, she had seen something else, something even more in Sam’s eyes.

It was hard to put into words. Part of it was trust. But they had always had that in each other, almost from the very beginning, but certainly ever since they began raising Cassie together.

Safety. That described a big part of it. Janet found an overwhelming sense of absolute safety in Sam’s eyes. There was also an openness to Sam’s gaze that day that hadn’t quite been there before. She had always been just the slightest bit guarded, it seemed. Keeping some of her feelings to herself, Janet guessed, for fear of becoming too vulnerable if she let them shine through. But not that day. Janet had since often wondered how their conversation would have progressed if they hadn’t had to cut it short.

Then there was that good-bye when they were about to go through the gate. She had clearly seen Sam tearing up when she told her to stay safe. She had been wondering ever since, what that had been about exactly.

And finally there was the scene that would not stop repeating over and over in her mind. Sam on the ground, bleeding heavily but smiling up at her broadly, completely oblivious to her injuries.

Remembering those agonizing minutes trying to keep Sam alive until Jack came and helped them get to safety was tying Janet’s stomach up in knots.

Every.

Single.

Time.

But at the same time she also remembered the relief and joy she saw in Sam’s eyes when she realized Janet was unharmed. In those moments, when their eye contact was the only thing that still kept Sam conscious, there had been so much raw emotion and truth there.

And on both sides, Janet suddenly realized.

She wasn’t sure about it now. Her mind might be playing tricks having relived that scene so much but Janet seemed to also remember that she was using terms of endearment with Sam, which she had never done before.

And if she hadn’t imagined it, Sam’s eyes seemed to light up at hearing them. That was ridiculous really. She was barely conscious anymore at that point and to think a whispered “sweetheart” may have not only been noticed but been appreciated, was frankly very far-fetched.

But be that as it may, all of this made Janet wish she could look into those eyes again to see what else she might discover there.

They would have a lot to talk about if… WHEN Sam woke up.

 

Janet hadn’t mentioned it out loud but she was at the point of starting to worry that Sam’s coma might be permanent. She tried hard not to dwell on the thought and she never mentioned it to anyone either. Saying something out loud always somehow makes it more real and she didn’t want it to be real.

It wasn’t that she had given up hope.

She hadn’t.

She couldn’t possibly.

Sam needed her not to.

So she refused to let herself.

 

Janet was alone in the infirmary. The last of her staff had left a few minutes before. As had become her nightly routine, Janet set up her cot next to Sam and then pulled up a chair to sit by her left bedside.

First order of business was always Sam’s last check-up of the day. Janet checked all of her vitals and made sure all medication was set correctly for the night. Then she had a careful look at the stitches in the left side of Sam’s abdomen.

Looking at her stitches always triggered flashbacks to Sam on the operating table and to the utter destruction that the staff weapon had wrought upon Sam’s body. The wounds were healed enough now that no-one could have guessed by looking at them, but the damage had been devastating. Out in the field Janet had not been able to see the whole extent of Sam’s injuries. She had discovered the true scope of the situation only in the operating room and it had shocked her to the core. She had known it was bad but to see her best friend’s stomach ripped open in such a brutal way had been hard to take.

Janet had her excellent medical training to thank for being able to quickly compartmentalize her concern for her friend from what needed to be done. It was helpful to be able to push down her feelings like that.

Of course, it could also become a habit that couldn’t be shaken even outside of work, when it would be equally as helpful to be able to get closer to people you cared a great deal about.

She palpated the skin next to the stitches gently, making sure there was no hardening which would suggest infection or internal bleeding. It all felt normal. Janet let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding. She caught herself letting her fingers trail over Sam’s skin a moment longer than was medically necessary. Her mind betrayed her, showing her flashes of things that had only ever happened in her dreams (and on very rare occasions, her fantasies, when she allowed herself to let her thoughts stray that way). She quickly pulled the hospital gown back into place and tucked Sam in again.

With the professional part of things out of the way, Janet sat down by Sam’s side. She took a deep breath and glanced around briefly to be sure no one else was around, before taking Sam’s hand in both of hers and gently stroking the soft skin.

“Hey you, sorry it took me so long to do this today. It’s been a long day.”

Janet was a doctor. She had read the studies. Nobody was really completely sure if a comatose patient could sense anything around them. But since nobody was sure, logically there was a chance that she could hear and feel her, so Janet was working under this assumption and kept making contact and talking to her. She needed Sam to know she was there. It made Janet physically ill to think Sam might be somehow aware in there and feel alone or uncared for or hopeless or … scared. Janet felt her mood sinking and quickly got herself out of it.

“Oh, so, Cassie is coming back tomorrow from summer camp. We’ll have so much fun hearing all about…”

Oh fuck, wrong path of thoughts to go down. While talking Janet remembered that Sam had promised Cassie pizza night when she got back, so she could tell both of them about the whole camp experience.

Now, that wouldn’t be happening. And Janet still hadn’t told Cassie anything. She didn’t want to ruin the trip for her. Cassie loved Sam. She’d be heartbroken to hear what happened.

Janet felt tears streaming down her face. Hanging her head and staring at their entangled hands, on an impulse she gently lifted Sam’s hand to her mouth and kissed her fingers ever so softly and then held Sam’s hand against her cheek.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wish you’d wake up and we could do all the things we had planned. God, I miss you. I miss the things we haven’t even gotten to do yet, not that that makes any sense at all. Please, just try and be strong and find your way out of this. I can’t help you from here anymore”, she sobbed openly now, “I’m here, always, but you have to find your way back here somehow. I know you can do it. Please, don’t give up. I haven’t and I won’t. There is so much I want to tell you. So much I want you to know. But not like this. I need to look into your eyes and tell you.”

Janet brushed a strand of hair out of Sam’s face and gently stroked her cheek. She sighed heavily. It made her feel useless that there was nothing medical she could do for her that would wake her up. Nothing. All she could do was wait and make sure Sam’s pain was managed.

 

It didn’t help that Janet was very aware of why Sam got hurt. She had taken that staff weapon blast for her. Had it not been for Sam she’d most likely be dead. A staff weapon blast of this severity was bad enough for someone with Sam’s tall frame but at Janet’s size it likely would have killed her instantly.

At times the guilt Janet felt was overwhelming. She herself had no scratch on her while Sam was fighting for her life. It wasn’t fair, was it? At the same time, the gratitude she felt for what Sam did for her never failed to bring her to tears, if she ever lingered on the thought and all the possible implications for a few moments too long.

Janet gazed at Sam’s face a while longer and after very lightly caressing her cheek once more, gave her hand a squeeze and got up.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t good company tonight, huh? I’ll make sure it’ll be different tomorrow. You just keep gathering strength and fighting back. You’re not gonna let this win, you’re Sam Carter after all. You destroy suns like other people... uh… like other people… there is just is no fitting comparison! Well, YOU would think of one of course”, Janet rolled her eyes in mock annoyance although no one could see her, “Just wake up and make a smartass comment on that tomorrow. How’s that for a challenge, hm?” Janet leaned over and as also had become her routine, she kissed Sam on the cheek.

“Good night, sweetheart.”

 

The next morning Janet had already put her cot back in storage and then decided to check Sam’s vitals again before heading into a meeting. She took a look at last night’s heart rate monitor printouts and noticed some spikes that were out of the ordinary. She wasn’t too concerned but called over one of her nurses.

“I’ll be in meetings pretty much all day. And won’t be able to stop by much here. Please make sure to have a look at her heart monitor readings today. There were some unusual spikes last night. It’s probably nothing but I want you to have a close eye on it, okay?”

“Of course,” the nurse nodded. “Anything else?”

“Yes, please page me if there is anything wrong with Major Carter at all. I want to be notified of any changes, okay?”

“Understood.” The nurse wanted to add something reassuring but it wasn’t really her place. Although basically everybody who worked in the infirmary knew that Major Carter was a very special patient to Dr. Fraiser, of course, a comment acknowledging that obvious fact in any way was considered out of line. Still she hoped the Major would recover. She hadn’t seen her boss smile in a long time. Major Carter waking up would certainly do the trick, easily.

 

The meetings dragged on endlessly that day. It was all routine stuff and nothing challenging or out of the ordinary. Finally it was 2 PM and time for a lunch break. Janet planned to use the hour to pick up Cassie when she returned from camp, and then give her a ride home. She headed out immediately and drove to the car-park where Cassie and her classmates would arrive back from their trip.

 

She got there early and was thankful for that. It gave her a few minutes to plan a little how to break the news to Cassie. There really was no easy way to do it, it just had to be done and she decided it would be best to be frank and honest with her and make sure she knew the situation wasn’t good, but that it wasn’t hopeless either.

 _Just don’t cry in front of her_ , Janet thought to herself, _it would scare her too much._

There was no time anymore anyway, she saw the bus already in the distance. _That must be them._ She got out of her car and put on a happy face. And she really was glad. Not about having to tell her about Sam, obviously but it would be good to have her back home.

The bus stopped and about 30 teenagers poured out of it, chatting happily with each other and all saying their good-byes and trotting off in different directions once they spotted their parents waiting for them.

Finally, Janet was spotted by her very own teenager and Cassie ran towards her and gave her a huge hug.

“Mom! It was soooo awesome. Can’t wait to tell you about the “hike at night” thing we did, that was so scary cool. Didn’t expect it to be but it so was! Where’s Sam?” Cassie was positively bubbling.

They were still hugging and Janet gave her a loving squeeze. Then she pulled back. She studied Cassie’s face and brushed some hair out of the way. “So glad you’re back, honey. Missed you tons. You wanna come sit with me on that bench over there for a bit before we head home?”

“Sure, Mom. Where’s Sam? I thought for sure she’d come along with you. Oh! Duh. She has to work, I guess. That’s okay. We can still do pizza night, like she said.”

They sat down next to each other on a nearby bench.

“Listen, Cassie, I don’t want you to get upset okay? But I need to tell you something.”   
Cassie looked at her. “Is something wrong?”

Cassie’s mind was racing. She studied her mom’s face and noticed she looked like she hadn’t slept much and she seemed… the first word that came to mind was “broken”, somehow.

 _Oh no…_ she thought, _there’s only one person besides me that Mom would ever get this distraught about._

“Something happened to Sam?” Immediately tears shot into her eyes. She loved Sam. Sam was like the cool aunt that was also the cool second mom. And Sam was… Sam! She was awesome. Cassie loved to hang with her, it was always so much fun. She loved her sense of humor and most of all that Sam didn’t treat her much like a kid at all. She had leveled with her on a lot of things and talked frankly about anything that Cassie wanted to know about.

Cassie saw that Janet was struggling to reply.

“Tell me what happened, Mom”, she put an arm around her. Janet looked at the floor.

“Cassie, she got hurt on a mission we were both on. We were under fire and she saved my life but while doing so, got herself shot.”

Cassie was crying by that point. “Oh no… but… but she’s alive right? She’s alive?”

“Yes, honey”, Janet pulled her close. “I’m not gonna lie to you. It’s bad, okay? But she’s been stable for the past two weeks now. So that is really good news. Now she just needs to wake up again. And you know Sam. That should be a piece of cake for her!”

She gave Cassie a squeeze and stroked her arm as she was sitting by her side, holding her to herself.

“Yah”, Cassie sniffled, “she’ll be okay, right? She’ll be pissed at the guy who shot her, though. Big time.”

Janet smiled: “You bet.”

“When is she gonna wake up, you think?”

“I really don’t know, honey. I just hope soon. Now that you know, you can hope for that with me and then it’ll happen even sooner.” Janet smiled at her reassuringly.

“Can I go see her?”

“Of course, I don’t see why not. I think it would help her to know you’re there. We’ll do that tomorrow, okay? I need to go back in for meetings today after I drop you off at home but tomorrow I have the day off and we can go hang with Sam, okay?”

“Okay.” Cassie looked at her mom. “Are you doing okay?”

Janet made sure to take a moment to compose herself before replying. She took a deep breath and smiled at her:

“Yes, I’m okay. I’m worried about her. I know you know that, already, anyway. She means a lot to me and … I just worry. But I’m okay. And she’ll be back with us soon, I know it. Don’t worry too much okay?” She playfully ruffled Cassie’s hair a bit.

“Ha! Says you: “Worrywart galore”.”

Janet laughed:

“Oookay, that’s enough now. Let’s get you home okay?”

 

They were mostly silent on the ride home, both lost in their own thoughts.

Once home, Janet helped Cassie get unpacked and fixed them a quick lunch.

“I have to leave once we’re finished, okay? You can go ahead and watch a movie – ONE movie – while I’m at work. I’ll be back in a few hours anyway and we can decide then what to do tonight. I may go back in late in the evening though. I’ve been spending the nights in the infirmary to have an eye on Sam. You don’t mind, do you?”

“Of course not, you should be there with her and I’m not a kid anymore. It’s fine.”

Cassie knew Janet and Sam were close. She never really stopped to question it at all. Though as she got older she had sometimes wondered how deep their obvious bond really went. And in her teenage wisdom she had - for a couple of months at least - been pretty sure that they loved each other. It just seemed they hadn’t quite reached that conclusion themselves yet.   
Hearing now that her mom spent her nights by Sam’s side, she felt her theory validated. Still, of course, her mom seemed pretty clueless. Although something had changed there, somehow. She guessed that worrying about Sam had probably made her more aware of how much she meant to her.

 

They had just sat down and started eating when Janet’s pager went off. Janet got up to call the SGC on their landline. She tried not to get panicky but her heart was beating so fast, she felt a little dizzy. She made a point to turn her back to Cassie, so she didn’t need to control her facial expressions as much for her sake.

“This is Dr. Fraiser. What happened?”

“Dr. Fraiser, Major Carter just went into cardiac arrest.”

Janet closed her eyes and leaned back against the nearest wall. She covered her eyes with her left hand while holding the phone in the other.

 _Please, not while I’m not even there..._ , she thought frantically, her mind taking her to the worst possible scenario immediately. She tried to breathe.

“Continue.”

“She coded for approximately 30 seconds before we managed to get her back.”

“Okay… okay, that’s not too bad then.” It wasn’t good either. “I’m coming back in immediately. How is she doing now?”

“That’s what I was about to tell you: actually having had to shock her back into normal sinus rhythm seems to have been a really good thing. I’ve not seen this happen before but she seems to be coming out of the coma now. She’s had her eyes open briefly now and then.”

“Wh… what?” Janet could barely cope with the onslaught of massively opposed feelings. Tears streamed down her face. “That’s wonderful. I’ll … I’ll be there in a few minutes. Please have someone stay with her at all times. If she wakes up completely and I am not there yet, I at least want there to be someone. She’ll be confused about what day it is and what happened. I want you to keep her calm if that happens but not tell her any details, just that she’s been hurt but is safe now. I will give her all the details when I get there and she’s hopefully awake. Thank you for calling.”

“Of course, Doctor Fraiser. See you soon. We will take good care of her.”

 

Cassie had overheard most of the conversation and had come over to Janet already. She hugged her tightly when she had hung up.

“She’s gonna be fine now, right?”

“It looks much better than half an hour ago, honey, that’s for sure.”

“That’s great! I’m so happy for you guys!”

Janet chuckled but didn’t quite grasp the meaning, of course. “Well, be happy for the three of us!”

 

Janet made the best time ever back to Cheyenne Mountain. Lucky for her, she didn’t get a speeding ticket, although she would have really deserved one.

 

Meanwhile Sam had been in and out of consciousness for about half an hour. She hadn’t managed to get any words out yet but her eyes stayed open longer and longer. To her it just felt like the opposite of microsleeps. Being awake for split-seconds and then asleep again. She never really got a chance to think of anything but asking herself, “am I awake now?” And her body kept going “nope” and just put her back to sleep.

She opened her eyes one more time. This time it seemed more real to her. Yes, it seemed to be lasting a bit. There was a nurse by her bedside. Obviously, she was in the infirmary. “Major Carter, so good to see you awake”, the nurse said and offered her some water. Sam drank eagerly. She felt parched and wanted to ask something but her mouth was too dry. After a few sips she went: “Dr. Fraiser isn’t here? Is she okay?” It was unlike Janet not to be here when she woke up from some surgery or something and one of the first things her conscious mind had served her up, was a memory of a severe firefight and her predominant thought “I need to save her” in regards to Janet. What if she had failed? Groaning she said: “Please, tell me she’s okay”, Sam begged, her eyes filling with tears. She wasn’t in any shape to stop it from happening.   
“Calm down, Major. Dr. Fraiser is just fine. She wants to brief you herself on what happened to you and is so sorry she isn’t here yet but she’s gonna come in any second and will get you up to speed with things. For now, please, just relax. I believe you’ve made it through the worst of it now.”

“Okay”, relieved, but exhausted from trying to process all of that, Sam fell asleep again. Only that it was actual sleep now, not a coma anymore.

 

Janet didn’t bother putting on her lab coat on first, she fell into a jog immediately after entering the base and went straight to the infirmary. She headed directly to Sam’s bed. For a second her heart sank. Everything seemed to be the same it had been this morning. “Dr. Fraiser”, Janet turned to the nurse who had addressed her. “Hi, what’s her status now?”

“She has been awake around 6 to 8 times now and for longer periods each time. And the best news is that the last time around, she actually spoke a bit.”

Janet smiled broadly: “That really is good news. How long ago was that and … what did she say?”

“That was about 5 minutes ago. I’m sure she’ll wake up again soon. She asked about you. She was upset you weren’t here and seemed to think you may have gotten killed on that last mission you two were on. We calmed her down right away though.”

 _Damn, I should have been here._ Janet was annoyed with herself. “Okay. I’ll take care of her now. Thanks.”

 

Janet stood by Sam’s bedside and right then she didn’t care too much about appearances. She leaned over her and stroked her hair and face and spoke to her in a low whisper: “Hey you, I heard you were awake. That’s the best news I have gotten in a long, long time. I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I was with Cassie. She can’t wait to see you either. I’ll bring her by tomorrow.” Janet studied Sam’s face, willing her eyes to open. “I won’t go anywhere. I’ll be right here, okay? And I hope you’ll wake up again soon. Things will be fine now. You’ll be fine” and in her mind she added: _We’ll be fine._

 

Sam didn’t wake up again for hours. Janet would have worried that she had fallen back into a coma but she kept an eye on her vitals and everything confirmed REM sleep, so Janet’s biggest problem was her impatience.

When all her staff had left she prepared for the night as usual, setting up her cot by Sam’s side and then sitting beside her, holding her hand. She was looking down at their hands, gently stroking Sam’s fingers, when she heard Sam’s voice: “Hey you.” Janet jumped up from her chair and absent-mindedly kept holding Sam’s hand, pressing it against her chest now. Every cell in her body wanted to hug Sam and not let go for the rest of the night (or possibly ever). What she did allow herself to do was stroke Sam’s hair with her left hand. “Hey yourself”, she said, her voice unsteady and tears streaming down her face. Her right hand was still clutching Sam’s hand to her chest.

“Are you okay?”, Sam asked.

Smiling and shaking her head a little, Janet replied: “You’re something else, Major. Thanks to you, I wasn’t the one who got shot. I’m fine.”

“Well, good.”, Sam’s voice sounded raw, “that was the plan.” She beamed at Janet full of relief. Janet brought Sam’s hand up to her own face and held it against her cheek. When Sam felt Janet’s tears, she very gently brushed them away with her fingers. “Please, don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it. You were out for two weeks, Sam. I wasn’t sure anymore if you’d make it back again ever. I’m just so relieved to be sitting here talking to you. You have no idea.” She looked away, avoiding eye-contact.

“Two weeks… I’m so sorry,” Sam whispered. If she had had any strength at all, she’d have sat up and pulled Janet into her arms and not let go for the rest of the night (possibly ever). She sighed shakily. “When I woke up for the first time earlier and you weren’t here, I thought I had failed. I thought I hadn’t managed to save you after all and that you got hit and had died. And that everything had changed forever. I got so scared, Janet. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t know what I’d do.”

Their eyes found each other again. “You did save me, Sam. I’m right here and I’m fine because of you.” It was Janet’s turn to brush Sam’s tears away.

The situation was impossible. Both of them were so emotionally raw and wanted to say so much more but neither did, yet they both somehow instinctively knew.

“What day is it?”, Sam asked. “Saturday, swe-”, Janet caught herself, “Sam.”

“So I missed our first Friday night hangout? Wait, two of them actually…. Well, THAT sucks.” Sam pulled an annoyed face and then broke into a smile, she was trying to get them back to some kind of normalcy somehow, she wanted to see Janet’s smile more often. She might just make that her life’s mission actually. Making the short brunette smile. It would be a very worthy cause indeed. And Janet did smile at that light comment. _Success!_ Sam congratulated herself a little.

“Yeah,” Janet picked up on the banter, “so no “Top Gun” for me yet. That is actually the main reason why I really needed you to wake up again. So we could start already with our Friday nights. About time you made it back, woman!”

Sam chuckled, but immediately regretted it because laughing apparently annoyed her stitches, who then took it out on her. The pain was at about a six or seven, so not too bad, but it still made Sam wince and gasp audibly. “Are you okay? Better take it easy on the laughing for a while, I think”, Janet told her.

“Good idea,” Sam was still trying to breathe through the pain.

“I’ll get you something for the pain”.

“No”, Sam stopped her, “I don’t want to pass out on you again. I’ve lost too much time as it is.” Breathing heavily she added: “So, when can I get out of here… Doc?”

“Well, … Major. That very much depends on how quickly you can get your strength back.”  
“Oh, that’s all huh? Well, you just watch me then.”  
Janet rolled her eyes. “I’d rather you take it slow. There’s no rush.”

“Well, I do aim to be out by say… next Friday…!” Sam was clearly on a mission.

“I get the feeling you really are looking forward to those Fridays of ours.” Janet was all kinds of relieved about the light banter and the stress and worry that had had such a tight grip on her for the last two weeks was melting away. That also meant that she actually noticed how exhausted she was though. And looking at Sam, she could clearly see that her patient desperately needed more sleep as well.

 

“Listen,” regretfully Janet let go of Sam’s hand and got up. “I am well aware that you, Major, could probably go all night talking like this. However I am a mere human and am exhausted. How about we get some sleep for now?”

Sam looked genuinely disappointed. “You’re leaving then?”  
“No, no, of course not. See that cot here? That’s my bed for the night. Actually it has been for almost the whole past two weeks.”

“Really?”, Sam choked up a little. She cleared her throat, “you stayed the nights here with me?”  
Janet sighed at the surprise in Sam’s voice. “Why, yes, as much during the day as I could, too. I really wanted to be here when you finally woke up. The last thing I wanted was for you to wake up without me here and being scared but that ended up being exactly what happened. I’m so sorry, I wasn’t around when you first woke up.”

“Please, come back here for a second.” Sam tried to reach for Janet’s hand but couldn’t. Janet saw though and stepped closer again, so that Sam could reach her. Taking her hand in her own and looking intently into Janet’s eyes, Sam quietly but insistently said:

“Janet, I really don’t want you to worry about that. It wasn’t a big deal at all, okay? What I want you to know and to never doubt is that I am so grateful for what you did for me. It’s clear to me I wouldn’t be here anymore if it wasn’t for you and you staying here with me for all these nights, that means so much to me. I wish you’d know how much…”, Sam was choking up but determined to get her point across. “I know I suck at this but it’s too important to me, so I’m trying: This whole thing just made me realize that things can be over so quickly and I can’t bear to think that I didn’t manage to make you see how much…” Sam swallowed hard. Damn she couldn’t say it. The implications were too huge and she couldn’t face every possible reaction yet either.

So, she just said:  
“How much … you mean to me.”

She squeezed Janet’s hand and held her gaze, her eyes basically pleading with Janet, trying to convey more than her words alone did.

Janet gently squeezed back but followed her own safety strategy and broke eye-contact, looking down at their hands instead. Still, she wanted Sam to know too, and her way of conveying it was to caress Sam’s hand in the most tender and loving way possible. Wordlessly, she kept stroking Sam’s hand and fingers for a few long moments.

“I understand.” she whispered.

And she might as well have been saying it for the both of them.


	3. Getting Through The Night

“Somehow this black night  
Feels warmer for the spark  
To hold us 'til the day  
When fear will lose its grip  
And heaven has its way  
Heaven knows no frontiers  
And I've seen heaven in your eyes”

Mary Black / Jimmy MacCarthy

 

 

 

It was getting late and they both really needed to get some rest but Sam made a big production out of not wanting to miss out on spending time with Janet.

 

“You know, I really kind of don’t want to fall asleep with you being here.”

She said.

“Oh? You’d rather be alone?”

Janet sounded positively hurt.

 

“Well, no, silly, I just feel it’s wasted time to sleep when you’re here. We could talk and you know, hang?”

 

Janet smiled, “I love talking to you, always. But you really need to save your strength, you know. For all those Friday nights. Also, you’ll get so bored with me so quickly when we really start to “hang” - as you put it so very romantically - every Friday.”

Romantically? Why did she have to use that word exactly? Janet rolled her eyes at herself. With any luck Sam wouldn’t pick up on it.

“Romantically huh?” Yah, right, fat chance it had been anyway that Sam would let this opportunity pass.

“We are having romantic Friday nights then? This is getting more interesting by the minute and it certainly doesn’t make me want to “hang” with you right now any less.”

 

Oh boy. How long was Sam back awake now? Like 5 hours tops? She was certainly basically already back at the top of her game with her banter again, Janet thought. But she herself sure wasn’t. She couldn’t think of a witty retort to save face at all. She bit her lower lip. “OK, bad choice of words on my part as well then, I guess. Let’s call it a tie, shall we?” She smiled but she was actually a little bit miffed. She felt like Sam was making fun of her a bit.

 

“Umm, you know, I’m just kidding, right? And that I’m kidding around because I’m not sure how to handle this situation?” Sam had obviously guessed where Janet’s thoughts were going. “I was not making fun of you for using that word. Sorry, I know I overdo it with the smart-assery when I’m … when it’s someone whose opinion of me really matters to me.” The sentence of course really should have ended in “when I’m flirting with someone who means a lot to me and I feel majorly insecure about it all.”

 

“It’s okay”, Janet smiled, already assuaged. “But thank you for explaining. I have to ask now though: what do you mean, you don’t know how to handle “this situation”?”

Janet was sitting on her cot now, so there was a bit of distance between them which was making it weirdly easier to broach difficult subjects somehow. Maybe because intense eye contact was basically out of the question.

“If … if you don’t feel it too, then I’m not sure I can explain it in a way that you’d understand.” Sam sounded majorly insecure all of a sudden.

Wow, this has gone awkward in record time, Janet thought. “I’m sorry, I really didn’t want to put you on the spot, Sam. I just wanted to know what is difficult for you about the situation right now exactly? Maybe I could help reassure you or something, you know?”

 

“Uh” Sam basically winced about the awkwardness level it seemed, “I’m sorry. I’ve done an absolutely terribly job at bringing it up and I’d really like us to just forget I mentioned it for now. I’ll bring it up again some other time again, I promise. Right now it would go the completely wrong way. Are you okay with that?”

“I get it and it’s okay, yes. We’re all good?”

“We are better than good! Sorry I brought the mood down. Blame it on 14 days without human contact.”

Janet smiled softly, “I’m glad we’re better than good and stop beating yourself up now, you tell me when you’re good and ready. I can wait.” “Thanks.” Sam sounded downright pitiful but Janet knew pushing the subject in any way any more right now would just make it worse, best to just forget about it for now. “Do you think you can sleep now?” “Yah, let’s get some zzzs.” “Okay. I’ll be right back, just changing quickly”.

 

When Janet got back Sam was already asleep. Janet slipped under her blanket on her cot and sighed deeply.

She had Sam back! There were obviously some issues to work out between them but in a weird way she kind of looked forward to solving them. She really wanted to know what went on in Sam’s head and help her with any insecurities or fear that there may be. If they could work it out, she imagined the reward would be amazing and so very much worth the wait. Smiling and thinking about the possibilities Janet fell asleep as well.

 

It was around 1 AM that Janet woke up the first time that night. Sam was sleeping very restlessly and made whimpering noises. Quickly, Janet went over to Sam’s bedside and glanced over at the monitors for her vitals and saw that everything had went haywire. Sam was clearly having an intense nightmare. Janet touched her shoulder, squeezing it a little. “Sam? Wake up. Come on, Sam”. With a jolt and gasping Sam opened her eyes.

“Hey you”, Janet looked at her with concern.

“You had a nightmare, I think. Are you okay?”  
Sam was sweating profusely and was panting. “I… wow, it was so real.”

“Do you wanna tell me about it? It’s okay if you don’t want to.” She quickly added.

“We were on P3X-666 but I couldn’t save you. You died in my arms. It felt so real.” Sam wiped away tears.

“I’m so sorry. I’m right here though and I’m fine, okay?” Janet wanted to hold her hand or touch her face but she felt self-conscious about all of that since their awkward conversation earlier, so she didn’t dare do any of it. She sighed deeply and in frustration. “Do you think you can go back to sleep?”

“Yah, I’m sorry I woke you. I know you’re as exhausted as I am and need to sleep.”  
“Hey, I’m your doctor. As far as I’m concerned your sleep always has priority over mine.” Janet smiled at Sam.

“Well, at some point I’d really like to repay the favor and watch over you when you sleep. But please don’t be in a coma for me to be able to do that. I couldn’t possibly take it.” Sam smiled sheepishly.

“I’ll do my very best, Major. I can see how there could be situations in our future where that could be arranged.”, Janet teased.

Thank god for light banter! This was so much better than that earlier vibe they had going.

Janet did watch over Sam for a while once she had fallen back asleep and she indulged herself for a moment and stroked Sam’s hair. For some reason touching Sam like that was just so much harder when she was awake and more importantly there wasn’t the perfect excuse anymore of her having JUST come out of a two week coma. Janet missed the intimacy of these touches. More than she cared to admit to herself.

She let her fingers trail over Sam’s cheek for a moment too and then tore herself away to go back to sleep herself.

 

The night didn’t improve much after that. Sam woke up screaming an hour later, another time she woke up sobbing uncontrollably. Both times Janet calmed her down again and made her go back to sleep but it was ripping Janet’s heart out to just be talking Sam down instead of holding her. That’s all she wanted now, to hold Sam through the night, so the nightmares would leave her alone and she could get some rest.

But Sam kept having the same dream of Janet dying in her arms. Over and over and over again.

  
It was 3:30 AM when Janet woke up again. She had a very light sleep by now and this time Sam was still in the middle of her nightmare and she was talking in her sleep. Janet wanted to wake her up immediately but when she stepped closer she could actually understand what Sam was muttering and her voice sounded so pained and full of utter despair that Janet listened for a moment to hear what she was saying. “No, please, no, this can’t be happening.” There were tears streaming down Sam’s face and Janet immediately grabbed her hand to soothe her but she did not wake her yet. “Please, stay with me. I need you to stay with me, okay? You can’t leave me now. There’s so much I want to tell you. So much I want you to know. We’re not done yet. We haven’t even started. Please, just … stay…. “, Sam stopped talking but started crying harder and just kept saying “no, please no” over and over again. Janet had heard enough. This was pure torture and this time Janet would do something about it before her heart got ripped out yet another time by witnessing Sam in so much distress.

 

Janet leaned over to shake Sam by the shoulders and wake her up but before she got to do that she heard Sam whisper one more thing, almost inaudibly and sounding utterly broken. “I love you. So much. Now it’s too late and you’ll never know.” Janet swallowed hard. She really wasn’t supposed to have overheard that at all. The words had effectively pulled the rug out from under her. She couldn’t really think straight anymore.

 

There was a new torrent of tears though and that put Janet back into action mode. She gently shook Sam awake.

“Hey you”, she said as Sam opened her eyes sobbing and groaning.

“You had another nightmare. Are you okay?”

“Hey yourself,” Sam somehow managed to still do their usual thing. “Yah, again… god I wish they’d just stop already.” Sam was visibly shaken by this hell of a night she was having. She looked utterly defeated.

“I know, sweetheart”, Janet felt she could take a hint from Sam’s dreams and not wait until it’s too late doing things that every cell in her body was urging her to do.

Sam’s eyes lightened up at hearing that term of endearment and feeling Janet’s fingers gingerly wiping away her tears.

 

“Listen. I’m gonna suggest something. And while you retain the option to say no, I really, really wish, you’d let me do this. If not for your sake then for mine because I really need to, okay?”

She had Sam’s attention now. “Okay…”

 

Janet almost chickened out but then remembered the words she had heard Sam say and bravely stayed the planned course.

 

“I’ve lost count of how many times you’ve now woken up screaming and crying your eyes out. I’m telling you, it has taken all the self-control I have to just try and talk you down and not touch you, or hold you or cry with you. I can’t take it anymore and I’m not going to. Unless you have a really credible objection, I’m gonna hold you until you fall asleep and while you sleep and until you wake up absolutely peacefully in the morning. How does that sound?”

 

Sam was preparing to say something but stopped herself from making a semi-funny quip just to deflect and avoid the intimacy. Instead she opted to say exactly what she thought and felt.

“That’s the most wonderful suggestion I’ve ever heard. Please do exactly that. I have absolutely zero objections to any of it.”

 

“Well… good!” Janet said a bit shakily. “Now, scoot over a little.”

Sam eagerly made some space for Janet as she already slipped under the covers to Sam’s right side. Janet immediately wrapped both arms around Sam and pulled her close, holding her. Janet was on her back, Sam on her side curling up against her, her head on Janet’s chest. “Are you comfortable?”

“You’re kidding right?” Sam replied. “I could so easily live here.”

Janet smiled. “Okay, well, we have to make rather quick work of disentangling ourselves in the morning before my staff arrives, you know? But I could be persuaded to make this particular suggestion again sometime.”

“Oh please do.” Sam was listening reverently to Janet’s heartbeat and was already pretty certain that nightmares had no chance anymore tonight. She hugged Janet even closer to herself and Janet did the same.

“Will you be okay?”, she whispered.

“I think it’s gonna be fine now. Thank you for doing this for me,” Sam was more touched by the whole gesture than she let on.

“Thanks for letting me. Consider it a standing offer from now on for whenever you need it. I never want to see you suffer like this again.” Janet didn’t just mean this night. “I can’t stand to see you hurt or in pain, it absolutely rips my heart out and to know I’m the cause of it makes me feel sick.”

 

“You’re not causing it”, Sam was quick to reassure her, “but these dreams keep making me have to watch you die in my arms. And every time there is so much regret there over things we didn’t get to do and things I didn’t get to tell you and the dream always has you die right before I tell you the most important thing. You never get to hear it and I just…” Sam’s voice broke, “I just can’t stand the thought of that happening for real.” Sam couldn’t help herself anymore, she let herself cry in the arms of the woman who had come to mean everything to her.

Janet kissed the top of Sam’s head and gently stroked her back while holding her tightly. “It won’t happen for real. You won’t let it because you will tell me in time. Whenever you’re ready, I’m here to listen. Try not to worry so much about it. Everything in its own time, you know? We can work this out together in time, I’m sure of it. Let’s just always be honest with each other. I can deal with it, when there are things you can’t tell me or can’t talk about, yet. I get that it’s not easy and I’m not going anywhere. I’m looking forward way too much to the day when you might be ready to tell me.” Janet gave Sam a squeeze. Sam responded with a big, heavy sigh against Janet’s chest.

“Well, one thing I’m ready to tell you now.”

“You are? Can’t wait to hear it.”  
“You make the absolute best suggestions in the entire universe, Doctor.”

Janet smiled: “Well, I have my moments, Major.”

They fell asleep holding each other tightly.

There were no more nightmares.


	4. A pizza night to remember

„Isoldt had her Tristan,  
But love potions are not what we need.  
And Paris had his Helen,  
But it was infatuation that was plain to see.  
What I desire is your trust to inspire  
This love for you which grows in me“

 

Cowboy Junkies

  

It was Friday and Sam had finally been cleared to do the rest of her recovery at home.

 

“You don’t really look all that happy that I’m finally a free person again, I must say.”

 

Janet rolled her eyes, “Well, as a matter of fact, I’m a bit torn. I’m glad you’re better but I’d still like to be able to keep an eye on you.”

 

“Well, I figure it’s Friday, right? So… can’t we just make good on our plan to start hanging out regularly on Friday nights?”

 

“I’d like that, yes.” Janet smiled.

 

“Good, then it’s a date.” Sam beamed at her. Was it a “date” date though? Neither of them was completely sure but they also didn’t really care. They’d be together and that was all that really mattered anyway.

 

“Oh, hey, does Cassie have any plans tonight? Otherwise I’d bring pizza and finally make good on that “pizza night” promise I made and she can give us the inside scoop about camp.”

  
“Yes, she should be home tonight. She’ll love having you over. She keeps asking me when you can visit again. I already told her that you are getting released today actually but I didn’t promise her a visit because I didn’t know if you’d be up for it.” Janet looked at her questioningly. “Are you, really?”

 

“Sure! I feel fine. Maaaaaybe I don’t wanna run a marathon just yet but a relaxed evening with you sounds like exactly what the Doctor ordered.” With that Sam hopped off the bed she had been sitting on ready to leave.

 

“The Doctor agrees and can’t wait to see you tonight.” Janet was smiling softly and caught herself getting excited over their impending evening together.

 

“6ish?”

 

“Sounds perfect, we’ll be there.”

 

Sam was all but heading for the door but decided otherwise and pulled Janet in for a hug. “Thanks so much for everything”, she whispered.

 

“Always”, Janet whispered back as they parted, looked into each other’s eyes and as seemed to have become a habit of theirs recently, both of them were trying to convey so much more than the mere words did.

 

Their hugs also seemed to have their own way now of always ending in them holding hands for a moment. Just like they did now. Sam squeezed Janet’s hand for a moment and then headed out.

 

“See ya tonight!”, she looked back smiling with a tiny wave of good bye.

 

***

 

Their evening was off to a great start. They were all sitting in the kitchen, munching happily away on the pizza Sam had brought along. As predicted, Cassie was thrilled to have Sam visit and they had heard absolutely every detail about her trip to summer camp.

 

Including her account of how that roommate she was so worried about having to hang out with was now her best friend. Apparently her and Diane, the much talked about roommate, had grown close over shared teenage hardship.

 

One of the boys had been giving both of them a hard time, teasing them constantly, so they bonded over that and together managed to push their mental ignore buttons on him and just enjoyed camp despite him. At first that aggravated him even more but eventually he lost interest because of the complete lack of reaction from them.

 

“Well, yay for finding a new friend and handling that douche so well!” Sam was full of praise. “Really proud of you, kiddo.”

 

Cassie was beaming.

“And I’m so glad you’re doing better, Sam.” She gave Sam the biggest hug.

 

“Umm, I think I’m gonna head to my room and chat online with Diane a bit before bed. I feel like you guys maybe have stuff to talk about or you know, would appreciate some time to yourselves as well”, she raised an eyebrow questioningly. She had noticed they seemed even closer now than they had been before Sam got injured so badly. Maybe they had finally gotten a clue that they were more than friends, Cassie hoped.

 

Janet just looked down smiling and Sam wisely decided not to take the bait and just said: “So glad we got to hang, kiddo, I missed you. Tell Diane hi for me and I’d love to meet her sometime.”

 

“Sure thing”, Cassie smiled at both of her moms, “have a nice rest of your evening” and disappeared upstairs. Luckily, she didn’t raise the awkwardness level even more by winking at them.

 

When Cassie had left Sam chuckled and went: “Why do I feel like our chaperone has just left?”

 

Janet burst out laughing. “I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

Shaking her head in amusement, she added: “You wanna move this to the living room?”

 

“Absolutely.”

 

They both flopped down on the couch, Janet to Sam’s right and both turned to face each other.

 

“So,” Sam started, “I believe we are now commencing our first official Friday night hang out.”

 

Janet nodded and just went: “Yup”.

 

“Good, so, I’ve been meaning to ask you something ever since our chat at the coffee shop.”

 

“Shoot.” Janet wasn’t sure what would come next but listened.

 

“Ok, so, I got the feeling that day that there was a lot going on with you. And one part was what you actually said out loud. How you needed to talk to someone about the difficult stuff we face at work. But apart from that I also got the vibe that you wanted us to spend more time together, period, not just to that end. Now, to avoid any misunderstandings: I am completely on board with both.” She briefly touched Janet’s hand reassuringly but didn’t linger.

 

“I think to be able to talk about work stuff outside of work with someone I trust as much as you, is a great idea. I just feel bad a bit because I get the feeling I overlooked that you needed to talk for a while now and I just didn’t notice. I’m so sorry about that but also so glad you brought it up yourself now. And the second thing: simply spending more time together, sounds absolutely lovely to me. All I’m really asking here is: did I interpret that vibe correctly and I guess also, I feel there must have been something that happened to trigger you to approach me about it and if that’s the case, I wish you’d feel you can share it with me.”

 

Janet’s eyes had filled with tears while Sam was talking and Sam already half-regretted bringing it up at all. Maybe she should have let Janet take the lead here. So things would go at her own pace.

 

Teary-eyed Janet smiled at Sam. “You’re certainly very perceptive, Major.” Sam smiled back softly but the look in her eye basically said, “I’m not going to do the banter thing with you now. This is all you and I’m listening.”

 

“Did you know Airman Wells?”

  
“Hm, doesn’t ring a bell. Help me out?”

“He was the soldier Daniel and I tried to help at P3X-666 when you joined us.” A pained look flashed across Janet’s face as immediately images of Sam in a pool of her own blood came crashing back at her.

 

Sam squirmed a little. The impulse to hold Janet for some comfort while she talked was intense but she didn’t want to interrupt or distract her, so Sam crossed her arms in front of herself listening intently. “Okay”, she said quietly and trying to exude calm and reassurance just by sitting there and listening.

 

“I had him at the infirmary a couple of days before I called you about wanting to meet for coffee. It was a routine pre mission check up and I schedule those really early in the mornings usually, as you well know.”

 

Sam used the opportunity to inject some lightness after all: “Oh, I’m well aware, Doc. Glad to hear you’re not just doing that to me.”

 

“No, that would be the one thing where you’re just like any other patient to me.” Janet held Sam’s gaze and both of them were aware of the implications but left it without further comment.

 

“Well, it means that people come to me first thing in the day, so straight from the locker rooms after changing into their BDUs usually. And he had a ring on his hand that I had never noticed and when I saw it I just said “Congratulations?” and he blushed, immediately removed it and then told me that he usually remembers to take it off before work. I didn’t really get it and must have looked lost and we were alone, so he just decided to trust me with it. He explained that his partner gave it to him two years ago and after studying my face for a moment he then decided to disclose that his partner was in the Air Force as well.”

  
Sam was beginning to understand but tried not to get ahead of herself.

“Wow, he must have had a lot of trust in you to disclose that. But I get it. You have that way about you that kind of ever-present compassion and understanding that makes people want to confide in you.”

  
Janet smiled and blushed a little. “I’m glad you see me that way. It’s something I actively want to put out there. Not just because it obviously helps with my job but because I think overall people are keeping too much bottled up inside.”

 

Sam broke eye contact and looked down at the couch, clearly pondering this. “You’re absolutely right.”

 

Janet experienced a similar moment as Sam had earlier. She felt strongly she needed to hold Sam but couldn’t yet because she really needed to come clean first.

 

She took a deep breath. “Sam, … I was just so struck by what he said. I mean for two years now he and his partner had followed their feelings for each other and they even lived together. He told me how they had denied themselves a relationship with each other for the first year they knew each other because they didn’t want to go against the Air Force’s rules. When his partner got almost fatally injured on a mission though, they decided in the aftermath that they needed to be true to themselves. And if “don’t ask, don’t tell” didn’t work out and they’d get found out, then they would find a way to start a new life but for now the Air Force wouldn’t be the reason for them to not find their happiness together.”

 

Sam said quietly, still looking anywhere but into Janet’s eyes: “They were very brave.”

 

“I agree”, Janet tried to muster up all of her own courage to actually say the next part.

 

“And Sam,” she reached for Sam’s hand and squeezed it to get Sam to look into her eyes again, “I kind of found myself in that story of theirs. Just that I’ve not been brave about it. But I want to be now. That’s why I wanted to talk to you that day at the coffee shop. I just chickened out at telling you the whole truth then. Yes, I think talking about difficult things in our work day is important and will help us. But what I really wanted to say and what is obviously still hard to get out even after all that has since happened between us”, Janet quickly wiped a tear away and when Sam saw, she gave Janet’s hand a gentle squeeze and soothingly brushed her thumb over the back of Janet’s hand.

 

“It’s this: you’ve come to mean so much to me, Sam. I want to spend more time with you because I want to get to know you even better and I want to explore these feelings I have for you. I don’t want to push them away and ignore them anymore because supposedly they’re “against the rules”.”

 

Now Janet broke eye contact and looked down at an apparently all of a sudden very fascinating spot on the couch.

 

”At the same time I keep second-guessing myself, if you’re even open to the idea and then it’s this whole two steps forward one step back thing or rather two steps forward three steps back most of the time and…”

 

“Hey…” Sam’s voice got Janet to finally stop talking and look into her eyes again.

 

Sam was smiling the biggest, most reassuring smile she had to offer and Janet’s insecurities almost completely evaporated at the sight of it.

 

When Janet seemed to want to say something, Sam just went “Janet, shh” and punctuated it with a determined little nod. Then she leaned in to kiss her softly. Leaning back again, she stroked Janet’s face for a moment and then took her hand again.

 

“Like I said at the coffee shop: I’m in”, Sam said softly. Janet was still reeling from that tiny kiss and her whole face lit up now.

 

Sam continued: “I never really thought you were just asking about confiding in each other over work trauma. I heard clearly that you wanted to spend more time together. It’s just that you never clarified why exactly. And while I had my own idea about your reasons or let’s say I was HOPING I was guessing your reasons correctly, I really needed to hear it from you and I think you also really needed to say it. And I’m so glad to now find out that I seem to have - for the most part - guessed right.”  


Janet struggled to find her ability to speak again: “For the most part?”  
  
“Yes, well, now don’t be upset or offended but I just wasn’t sure if maybe all you were curious about was… sex. But I actually think now, that my thoughts went that way because I was trying to protect myself. I didn’t want to let myself think you had real feelings because it would have been harder to take to find out later that that wasn’t the case at all. Does that make any sense?”  
  
“It does. Very much so. You do realize now though that it’s more than that, right?” Janet wanted to make sure.  
  
“Yes, and while what you told me tonight really proved that, I knew already. I think I’ve known since P3X-666, when I went down after being hit. The way you looked at me and kept calling me sweetheart, while you tried to get me to stay calm. That’s when I knew. I just kind of didn’t really let myself register it completely. I somehow needed to hear it from you to let myself really believe it.”

 

Janet was smiling. It was kind of hard to imagine Sam feeling insecure about anything. She felt suddenly bold and leaned over for another kiss. She left it at about the same level Sam did – so more than a peck but just something nice and soft and lingering, nothing more passionate. After all there was no need to rush things and they needed time to adjust to tonight’s paradigm shift in their relationship first anyway.

 

“You better believe it.” Janet said softly when she leaned back. Bright blue was beaming back at her. While she was at it and feeling this bold, she decided to add something else: “Not that I’m not very curious about the other… thing… you mentioned, mind you. But everything in its own time, right?”

  
Sam fought for control over her reaction to this. Trying to appear completely unflustered she replied: “Is that so, hm? Well, patience then, I guess.”

  
Janet nodded and smiled: “Yes, exactly, … patience.”

 

For the rest of the evening patience was the last thing on either of their minds.

 


	5. Stormy Weather

"My mind is full of secrets I'm too afraid to tell.  
My body's full of longing for you to know me well" 

\--Heather Nova (Truth and Bone)

 

For the next few weeks they kept spending their Friday nights together. Sam would come over to Janet’s place and either they’d agree on a movie beforehand or decided in the spur of the moment what to watch. Sometimes they just had dinner together and talked. And other times they’d listen to music. No matter what they ended up doing it would always entail them snuggling closely together on the couch. They’d hold hands and there’d be stroking and caressing, some kissing too. But there was an unspoken agreement that for now it wouldn’t get too sexual. They were still so new together and wanted to savor each phase of their journey from friendship to relationship and mainly give each other time to adjust and feel at ease before taking things even further.

 

They hadn’t spend a night together either. Usually between adults spending the night will at some point translate into sex and they weren’t quite there yet. Now that didn’t mean that both of them hadn’t thought about holding each other through the night. They both had wonderful memories of that night in the infirmary. Even though that had started out with Sam being tormented by her nightmares, it had ended up lovely. Both of them wanted that again but so far hadn’t found a way to ask for it.

 

Luckily, one Friday evening the universe (and Cassie) decided to help out a little.

 

Sam had already been there for about an hour and they had had dinner together with Cassie. Since the planned movie for the night was “Top Gun” (finally) and Cassie had never seen it, they had agreed to watch together, all three of them.

 

Now, that meant either, Janet and Sam needed to forgo the cuddling tonight completely or have a talk with Cassie about the change in their friendship. When Cassie was briefly out of the room Sam whispered: “I don’t see a problem. She is not oblivious to what’s happening anyway. I’m pretty sure she already picked up on the slightly different vibe between us.”

 

“I agree”, Janet said, “let me take the lead, you chime in when you feel it’s helpful or necessary or if I find some splendid way to make a train-wreck out of it.”

 

Sam smirked: “I shall rescue you from any such train-wreck, yes. It’ll be fine though”.

 

Cassie came back into the room: “Soooo, I’m ready for Tom Cruise pretending to be Sam.”

 

Sam burst out laughing. “Yep, that’s pretty much how I’ve always seen it, too, kiddo.”

 

Janet chimed in: “Personally, I think it’s no contest. Sam could take him on any day. He wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“Why thank you for the high praise of my abilities. I feel all smug now. Perfect mood for me to be in for this movie, I think.” She grabbed the Blu-ray and put it in the player, then walked over to the couch, remote in hand, and made herself comfortable, grabbing a pillow to cuddle for now as long as Janet wasn’t an option.

 

“Sam and I wanted to tell you something before we start with the movie.” Janet said, sitting down next to Sam … avoiding any contact at all though.

“Oh? Go ahead, mom, what’s up.”

 _Wow, I bet they are making it official tonight by telling me they are dating. As if it hadn’t been obvious. Come on all those lovey dovey glances back and forth. I feel like I’m caught in a cheesy romance novel half the time_ , Cassie thought to herself and had to hide a huge grin. She thought they were cute together and to her it had been long overdue anyway that they finally noticed themselves that they should be together.

 

“It seems to me that you really don’t need us to explain anymore because I think you’ve picked up on it anyway but we just thought to make it somewhat official tonight, … wow that sounds more momentous than it should.”

 

She chuckled and looked over at Sam who was covering her mouth with her hand trying to hide her smile but not succeeding one bit. She was trying not to burst out laughing seeing Janet struggle with their little announcement like this.

 

“I’ll make it short or it’ll get awkward in even less time than Tom Cruise needs for his take offs: Sam and I have been talking a lot recently about what this friendship has come to mean to us and a few weeks back we decided that we mean so much to each other that we want to find out where those feelings might lead us. So we’ve been basically dating since then. We’re telling you now because usually we are alone for the movie part of our Friday nights and we tend to snuggle up together for those and didn’t wanna just do that tonight and weird you out completely…”, Janet paused for a beat, “instead I decided to weird you out with this speech apparently. I’m so sorry,” she laughed light heartedly because she already knew there would be no problem really. Their daughter loved both of them and if anything then to her, they had always been her parents and a relationship between parents is not too far fetched at all.

 

Sam was now smiling and biting her lower lip, squeezing her pillow to death, waiting for Cassie’s response so they could finally all start the movie.

 

Cassie had been sitting there the whole time, very chilled and enjoying a bit too much how hard that “official” speech was for her mom.

 

She figured she should give them her “official” blessing now, so she said: “I’ve known since way before you guys did, I think. At the very latest I thought you should be together when I saw how devastated mom was when you were in the coma, Sam. That’s wasn’t friendship, that was clearly love. And sorry if you guys haven’t floated that word yet, I bet you haven’t but it’s just my impression. So you have my blessing for sure. Actually, my very succinct response to mom’s speech would be: YAY!”

 

At that she got up and went over to both of them for a group hug.

 

“And feel free to commence the cuddling, I’ll try my best to hold back on the “oh my god, you’re so cute together” comments, I promise.”

 

At that Sam burst out laughing yet again as Janet slumped against Sam’s side pretending to be completely exhausted from this whole conversation.

 

“See, I told ya, piece of cake! Thanks for being cool kiddo, I didn’t really expect anything else” Sam was still chuckling, but put her right arm around Janet pulling her close.

 

“Yah, piece of cake, when you don’t have to do the big speech part. I think I aged 2 years in the past 10 minutes.” She shot Sam a mock-annoyed look and then smiled at Cassie.

 

“But yah, thanks for not giving me a hard time and just listening. I’m glad you’re not the least bit surprised. Apparently, we weren’t operating as covertly as we thought.”

 

“Nope”. Cassie was already over it. “I’m reeeeaally happy for you guys, you know, but can we start the movie now, I have kind of been waiting to see this for ages, it feels like.”   
  
“By all means!”, Sam said, pressed play, tossed the pillow aside and squeezed Janet sighing softly, now settling in finally for the rest of the evening.

 

***

 

It had gotten pretty late and by the time the movie was over there was a thunderstorm of epic proportions raging outside.

 

Sam had taken the motorcycle to go to Janet’s and was very reluctantly eyeing her gear not really wanting to drive in that mess at all.   
  
Cassie was looking at her cell phone and announced to them: “Uh, there’s a severe weather warning suggesting to stay inside until the storm has passed.”

  
Janet looked worried: “Okay, you’re definitely not driving in that!”

 

Sam didn’t need to be convinced: “Yes, ma’am! Any forecast on how long this is gonna last?”  
  
Cassie checked: “Umm, at the very least until 3 AM…”, a smile creeped across her face, “I guess you have to stay the night, Sam. Right, mom?”  
  
“Damn right.” Janet, didn’t even bother hiding anything, she was downright beaming.

 

Sam just plopped back down onto the couch: “Okay, okay, I surrender.” Janet bit her lip. “Alrighty then, Cassie, head on upstairs and get ready for bed. I’ll figure out what to do with Sam here.”

That sounded entirely wrong.

And right.

At the same time.

 _Oh boy_ , Janet thought.

 

“Ok,” Cassie knew better than to make any more quips about the situation, “night, Sam”. She hugged Sam goodnight.

 

“Night, kiddo.”

 

“Good night, mom”, she gave Janet a squeeze. “Sweet dreams everyone.”

  
“That should be no problem”, Sam said when Cassie was already out of hearing range.

 

Janet heard and smiled at her challengingly: “I see you’re still in smug mode.”

 

“Sorry”, Sam smiled back at her. “So, what are we gonna do about the sleeping arrangements?”

 

“Well…”, Janet flopped back down onto the couch as well, “there IS this lovely couch.”

  
Sam pouted playfully. “But there is also a lovely bed.” She tiger-crawled over to Janet and hovered over her, only a few inches of air between their bodies, “YOUR lovely bed.” She leaned in to kiss Janet softly.

 

Janet sighed deeply. “Yes, … yes, there is.”

 

She squirmed out from under Sam’s body and held out her hand to her: “Let’s go to bed then, shall we?”

 

“By all means!”

 

Janet had surprised herself a little by her decisiveness and on the way to the bedroom her courage faded rapidly. Sam had given her sideways glances the whole time and stopped her just before they were going to enter the bedroom. She pulled Janet close, wrapped her arms around her waist and looked into her eyes intently.

 

“Listen, I can guess what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours from a mile away and I don’t want you to feel awkward about this or worried or whatever. So we’re gonna sleep in the same bed. Sound good so far, yes?”

 

Janet relaxed visibly, “oh, yes.”

 

“You can snuggle up to me like we have done a lot already on the couch, just with less clothes on.” Sam smirked.

 

“Sound also good, yes?”

 

Janet swallowed. “It sure does…”

 

“See? And nothing will happen beyond that if you don’t want it to and I can tell you’re not there yet. And that’s fine, okay? Whatever you are possibly thinking right now in the vein of hurting my feelings, or making me wait too long or any such nonsense, I want you to put it out of your head. It’s not what’s happening. I enjoy every moment with you. I’m not waiting for anything. I’m just being with you. And yes, I’m looking forward to being with you more intimately at some point when you feel ready for it. But only because I want to show you just how amazing, beautiful and wonderful I think you are and I want to make you feel alive and loved and wanted. All of that, I am longing for, yes.”

 

While talking Sam’s gaze had taken on a fiery quality, burning with the same passion that she was putting into her words.

 

“But there is no clock on this whatsoever. Alright?” She brushed some strands of hair away from Janet’s eyes to look at her.

 

“Much more than alright.” Janet got up on her tiptoes and kissed Sam softly.

 

“Hmmm”, Sam hummed against her lips.

 

“Good. So, am I invited in?”

 

Janet opened the bedroom door. “You definitely are.” Sam beamed at her, stepped in and looked around a bit.

 

“The adjoining bathroom is through there, if you wanna change there… oh, wait, you got nothing with you.”

 

“Nope, if you have a shirt for me, that’ll… ha, nope, your shirts will never fit me, tiny woman.”

 

“Hey! Watch it! I am not tiny. I will have you know, that I am moderately tall”.

 

“Alright, got that. Not tiny”, Sam smirked and rolled her eyes in mock annoyance. “It’s not an issue, I’ll just get rid of the bra and then sleep in my shirt. It’s all good.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yup, I’ll live.” Sam disappeared into the bathroom. “You got a toothbrush for me by any chance?”

 

“Sure, upper right hand drawer under the sink. There should be one or two new ones.”

 

“Got ya, thanks.”

  
Janet made quick work of changing into her pajamas and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for Sam to be ready. Five minutes later Sam walked out of the bathroom clad only in her white shirt and black panties. Quite a vision to behold. Janet tried to remember how to form a sentence.

 

“You all done?” Close enough.

 

“Yep. ”

 

“I won’t be long. Make yourself at home.”

 

“Hmkay.” Sam sat down tentatively on the edge of the bed and waited for Janet.  


When she came back in, Sam asked: “So, the age old question: which one is your side of the bed?”

 

Janet smiled: “Been a while since I had reason to ponder that. And actually I want to change that up. I don’t need memories of my husband and I popping up. So that would mean, I’m on the left side of the bed. Does that work for you?”   


“Absolutely”, Sam slipped under the covers on the right side and held up the covers for Janet.

 

She climbed in and Sam made sure to immediately offer: “You can snuggle up if you want. I’d love to hold you until we fall asleep.”

 

Janet immediately snuggled up against Sam’s side and draped an arm over her belly while Sam put an arm around her lightly stroking her back.

  
“This is all good, right?”

 

“It’s perfect”, Janet said and pulled Sam even closer. Smiling, Sam kissed her hair.

 

“Are you up to talking some more? I kind of don’t wanna go to sleep yet. I want to enjoy this a while longer.”

 

Janet sighed deeply, “I feel the same way.”

 

“So, this seems as good a time as any, or maybe really the best time there is, to ask you about something I’ve been wondering about. As always, if you don’t wanna discuss it, you just tell me, okay?”

 

“Sure, shoot…. you want the lights on or off while we talk?”

  
“On,” Sam replied with conviction, “I want to be able to look into your eyes.”

 

These were the kind of completely disarming, honest and endearing statements that turned Janet into a helpless ball of feelings. She sighed deeply yet again and looked up at Sam, then leaned towards her a bit to kiss her softly.

 

“Hmm, what was that for? Not that I’m complaining.”

 

“For being you. So what did you want to ask me?”

 

Sam smiled: “You’re cute. Okay, please don’t be self-conscious or anything, I’m just gonna come right out and ask: since our talk that night when you told me you wanted to be brave and explore your feelings with me, I’ve been wondering if I interpreted that correctly to mean that you’ve … never been with a woman before. Have you?”

  
“No, you interpreted that the right way. I haven’t.”

  
Sam held her a little closer still. “So you wanna let me in a bit on all of that? You don’t have to, if you don’t feel like it but I’d love to know what your thoughts and feelings are now and why you’ve never looked in that direction before now.”

 

“I’ve been wanting to let you in more ever since that talk. It just never really fit into the conversation until now.”

 

“I’m all ears.” Sam said. That wasn’t entirely true. Having Janet this close, with this little clothing and in this setting, was igniting about every nerve ending in Sam’s body. She was hyper-aware of everywhere their bodies were touching and she loved the situation for what it was. But keeping herself from rolling over and pinning Janet down while kissing her way all over every inch of her body, was requiring quite the superhuman effort.

 

Janet may have been inexperienced with women but she wasn’t imperceptive. Snuggled up against Sam’s side, with her head resting on Sam’s chest and her hand on Sam’s belly, she was very aware of Sam’s breathing having gotten uneven and it was obvious she was trying hard not to squirm around too much.

 

Clearly the situation was having an effect on her. Janet couldn’t help but smile triumphantly a little. If she had that effect on her by doing absolutely nothing then the mind boggled at what Sam’s reaction(s) would be should Janet start to actually do something.

 

Janet couldn’t keep herself from exploring that thought a little. For now she just inched the hand on Sam’s belly a little lower, resting it right at the edge between shirt and panties. At the tiny movement Sam’s breath hitched for a second. _Interesting_ , Janet thought and smiled to herself some more.

 

 

She cleared her throat pretending nothing else was happening as she started to explain: “I guess in retrospect I should have figured myself out much earlier. I’m pretty sure I had a crush on one of my female teachers for example.”

  
“Not the gym teacher…”

 

Janet chuckled, “no, she taught English and History actually. I was just fascinated with her. But I didn’t register it back then as anything else but admiring a role model. I think it was an issue with exposure, you know? I had no lesbian friends or otherwise any contact with anybody who was anything else but straight. So, I just kind of followed along with what everyone else did, if I’m honest. I dated a boy in high school, then had two relationships while at college and right after college I met Dan.”

 

“Your husband?”

  
“Yes.”

 

“How did that go… you never really discussed how and why that ended?”

 

Janet sighed and there was a long pause. “The marriage was a big mistake.”

 

“What happened?”

  
Janet hesitated, clearly trying to make up her mind how much detail she was comfortable to go into: “He had a major temper. I had experienced it once even before we got married but I dismissed it as a one-time thing. I know, I know… I’m a walking cliché.”

 

Sam held her more tightly. “No, you’re not. You always want to believe in the good in everyone. That’s actually a beautiful thing about you. It’s just that it sounds like he didn’t deserve it at all. I’m afraid to ask what he finally did, that made you realize you needed to get out…”

 

“I’ll tell you in more detail some other time, I don’t want tonight to be tainted by that story. Suffice it to say he went too far and I was finally able to see that he wouldn’t change, so I packed my stuff in the middle of the night, left to stay at a friend’s place and never went back.”

 

Even though she didn’t go into detail Sam felt Janet trembling while telling her this much of the story and Sam felt anger well up at this guy who obviously hurt her and as she suspected now, hurt more than just her feelings and that made Sam’s stomach turn.

 

“Come here.” Sam rolled onto her side so she could properly hold Janet. She nuzzled her neck and sighed into her hair.

 

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. I hope at some point you can tell me what happened. I think it’s important to talk about these things. And as much as I hate hearing it and knowing it happened to you, I want to know how he hurt you. I never want to do anything that might remind you of what he did. I couldn’t live with myself if I scared you in any way, even if it just happens accidentally.”

 

Janet looked at Sam intently and kissed her softly. “You’re very sweet. It was a long time ago though. I will tell you what happened. I just don’t wanna spoil tonight with it, you know? That’s all. I absolutely trust you with the story and yes, in a way, you should know.”

 

“Okay, I get it”, Sam leaned in for another kiss and made it as tender and loving as possible. It was more for reassurance than anything else. She wasn’t really sure, if it was for Janet or for herself. Probably for both of them.

 

“So, tell me what made you finally realize you liked women?”

 

“You”, Janet confessed without hesitation.

 

“You’re kidding? I did? How?”

  
Janet laughed, “you are aware that you are all kinds of umm hot, right?”

 

Sam burst out laughing. “Oh, that. Suuuure.”

 

“I’m kinda serious here. The first time I saw you, we were just crossing paths in the SGC corridors and you were in full official uniform and I all but had to grab a hold of something so I didn’t visibly swoon. It confused the hell out of me at first. It happened every time I saw you, so I had to do some soul searching eventually to figure it out. And the whole role model thing kind of doesn’t apply anymore, so… other explanations had to be found and there weren’t many. If I needed any more convincing that I had a crush on you, the first time you came into the infirmary for a routine medical debriefing after an off-world mission, really did the trick: I had the hardest time staying detached and professional with you while having to touch you.”

 

“Well, I hate to break it to you but you didn’t really. I believe we flirted a little even then.”

 

Janet blushed and buried her face against Sam’s neck, chuckling. “I believe we did, yes. God…”

 

“You got a hold of yourself pretty quickly though and were all business then. I didn’t know what to make of it exactly but I knew I liked you. A lot.”

 

“That was a very mutual feeling.”

 

Sam was curious: “So, you didn’t pursue anything because… Air Force rules?”

 

Janet sighed deeply: “If you had asked me back then, then yes, I’d have given you that reason. But looking back on it, something like that wouldn’t hold me back exactly, if I have … strong feelings for someone. I wouldn’t throw my happiness away for “rules”. I think I was using that as an out. I’ll be brutally honest, as exited as I am to explore this with you, it’s also intimidating as hell, you know. What if I don’t measure up to your other relationships because of zero experience? Stuff like that. I think I was just scared to even consider the possibility.”

 

“If it helps at all, my feelings for you are so much more intense and umm… kind of instinctual and coming straight from the heart at the same time. I’ve never felt like this in any of my other relationships. And I feel we’ve barely scratched the surface here. So, you’re not being compared to anyone. You don’t have to measure up to anyone. Not even to my expectations because I just expect you to be you and to be honest with me and trust me; with your soul and feelings as well as your body. As far as experience goes: to my mind that’s not really needed at all. You just go with what you feel in the moment and what feels good to you and what you think might feel good to me. If the feelings are there, you can’t really do anything wrong. I can’t imagine you touching me and I not loving it.”

 

“Yah?” Janet slowly slipped both of her hands that were stroking Sam’s back through the whole conversation under her shirt enjoying the feel of Sam’s skin under her fingertips.

 

“Yep. Hmmmmm, like I said, loving it”, was all Sam managed to say. She searched Janet’s eyes and leaned in for a slow kiss, while she ran her hand under Janet’s shirt as well but opting to stroke up and down her sides. That resulted in goosebumps on Janet’s part and her having to break the kiss and burying her face against Sam’s neck, shuddering a little and breathing heavily.

 

They held each other like that, tenderly exploring bare skin for quite a while.

Breathless and fighting for control Sam eventually whispered: “Janet, if we don’t stop now, I’m not sure I can make myself stop anymore. I’m not a saint, you know. Certainly not when your hands are all over me.” Sam had a hard time thinking straight and forming sentences that made sense. “You’re driving me crazy here… and so much for your worries about being inexperienced, if I may add. ”

 

“You’re right. I’m saying I wanna take it slow and then what do I do? It’s not really fair.”

  
“I’m not sure about fair, sweetie, it’s just… dangerous”, Sam chuckled and as if to prove it, decided to nibble at Janet’s earlobe a bit.

  
That got her a gasp and a rather shaky: “I’m beginning to see that.”

 

Janet composed herself and looked at Sam: “So, let’s try and stop here for now?”

 

“Okay”, Sam was still struggling to reign her hormones back in. “Remind me again, why we are taking things slow?”

 

Janet chuckled: “Because… we wanna be sure about our feelings, we don’t wanna mess with our friendship and we know if it’s the real thing, then it’ll be worth the wait.”

 

Sam sighed. “Ok, yes, damn, we did actually put some thought into it, didn’t we?”

 

“Yes, we did. But let’s agree to follow up on this? And soon?”

 

“By all means…” Sam muttered envisioning a cold shower to get herself to settle down again.  
  
“It’s 2 AM already anyway and we need to be up at 6. Shall we try for some sleep?”, Janet asked innocently.

  
Sam bit her lower lip. “Yes, try being the operative word here.”

  
Janet chuckled. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, you’re not the only one who’s suffering here.”

 

“Oh good, shared hardship”.

 

“Uh huh.” Janet turned around in Sam’s arms, so that Sam was now spooning her.

 

“Does this work for you”, she asked.

  
“Like a charm”, Sam said and pulled Janet back against her as tightly as possible. “Not gonna let go of you all night, sorry.”

  
“I wouldn’t want it any other way”, Janet took one of Sam’s hands and held it to her chest.

 

“Sweet dreams”, she whispered.

  
“Like I said earlier: should be no problem. I’m not sure they could be any better than this right here, though. Sweet dreams to you, too”, Sam said, kissing Janet’s neck softly and sighing contentedly pulling Janet back even more tightly against herself.


	6. A Long Night's Journey Into Day

„Now you're sleeping peaceful  
I lie awake and pray  
that you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll  
see another day and we will praise it  
and love the light that brings a smile  
across your face...“

Sarah McLachlan „Hold On“

 

 

Sam was late to their next Friday evening hangout. It was just ten minutes so far, so Janet wasn’t too worried but it was unlike Sam nonetheless.

 

When the phone rang Janet already figured it must be her.

  
“Hey you, it’s me.”

  
“Hey yourself. Is everything alright?”

  
There was a brief pause. “Now, Janet, promise me not to freak out, okay?”

  
Janet felt her stomach begin to tie itself neatly in knots. “What happened?”

  
“Promise.”

  
“I promise I won’t freak out. Tell me.”

  
“So, um, I’m sorry, I can’t make it tonight. Now, I’ll tell you why but you won’t freak out because you just promised me and you are hearing my voice and so you know I’m alright, okay?”

  
Janet sighed deeply. “Sam, if you don’t tell me soon what is wrong, I WILL freak out… you’re scaring the hell out of me. So just tell me now, please.”

  
“Okay, okay. I was in an accident.”

 

Before Janet had any chance to reply at all Sam quickly added: “STOP worrying right now, please! It’s just abrasions and bruises and a slight concussion.”

 

“Sam, a concussion isn’t JUST anything. It’s always a serious issue. Where are you?”

 

Janet was proud of her level of calmness, really. At least she sounded calm. She was worried sick of course.

 

“I’m at Grandview Hospital on Pulpit Peak View. You really don’t need to come. I’m fine.”

 

“I’m coming, Sam, unless you don’t want me there.”

  
“No, I’d love you to be here, I just don’t want you to be upset over the situation. I’m fine.”

  
“I’m not upset. I promise. But I’ll still come to you. And the more you tell me you’re fine the less I believe you, just FYI.”

 

“I’m f… Okay, I’m sorry.”

  
“It’s not your fault. See you in a few.”

 

Janet hung up and went straight out the door and to the car. It was about a ten-minute drive.

 

When she arrived at Grandview she addressed the admitting nurse: “I’m Dr. Janet Fraiser with the Air Force. You have a Major Samantha Carter here. She is part of an elite Air Force team that is under my care at Cheyenne Mountain. I’d like to see her please.”

 

“Can I see some ID, please?”

 

Janet really wished this would go quicker, so she could get to Sam already and assess her condition herself. She showed the nurse her ID.

 

“Thank you, Dr. Fraiser. Major Carter is in the last room to your right down that hallway.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Janet made it down that corridor in record time. Sam was sitting on the edge of her bed and looked up as Janet got in.

 

“Hey! That was quick!”

 

“Hey…”, Janet closed the door, “how bad is it? Let me see.”

 

Sam’s right arm was completely bandaged.

 

“I’m gonna take a look under there.”

 

Janet pulled up a chair and sat in front of Sam, gingerly lifting one end of the bandage to get a look at the damage. She sighed deeply.

 

“Sam, these abrasions are severe. Tell me what happened exactly?”

 

She listened while putting the bandage back in place carefully.

 

“I was on my way to your place and some idiot truck driver on the freeway swerved without signaling and knocked me off my motorcycle and sent me skidding down the freeway for a hundred yards or so.”

  
Janet wished she hadn’t asked. That image would be haunting her for a while.

 

“That’s terrible. It could have been so much worse but it’s still terrible. I’m so glad you’re more or less okay. Can you stand to be hugged or is that too much pain right now?”

  
“The day I don’t let you hug me, is the day I’ve died”, Sam quipped but immediately regretted it.

 

Janet pulled her into a tight hug and whispered: “Not funny, not today.”

 

“Sorry, wasn’t thinking.” Sam apologized.

 

Janet sighed deeply while still holding Sam. When she finally let her go, she announced:

“OK, here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna talk to your Doctor here to see about having them release you into my care.”

 

Sam beamed. “Sounds good. Very good.”

 

“Well, I wanna know what’s going on with you and that concussion needs to be monitored anyway and I’d rather that I’m doing that and not some other Doctor whose credentials I do not know and who is unfamiliar with your unique physiology.”

 

“Absolutely fine with me.” Sam was still beaming happily.

 

Despite herself Janet had to smile at Sam’s enthusiasm. “Be right back”. On second thought, she turned right around, got on her tiptoes and kissed Sam softly. Then she left to go find that Doctor.

 

It took Janet only approximately five minutes to settle everything with Sam’s attending.

 

“All set. I am allowed to take you home with me as long as I monitor you closely. Especially through the night. It’s normal procedure but just so you know already: I will have to wake you every two hours and ask you questions to see if you respond as you normally would or somehow differently. That way we catch it soon if there is a more serious issue due to the concussion.”

 

“Geez, that sounds like a lot of hassle. I’m sorry that you’ll get as little sleep as I will.”

 

“It’s okay, Sam. It’s why I wanted to get you out of here in the first place, so I could monitor you myself at home. Will you be okay to stay at my place through the night?”  
  
“Of course”.

 

“I’ll see about getting Cassie on a sleepover, so we won’t accidentally keep waking her along with us.”

 

“Okay, maybe Diane’s parents would be game to let Cassie come over? She spent the night there before, right?” Sam asked.

 

“Yes, that’s what I was thinking. She’s visiting there right now anyway. Should be no problem.”

 

They drove back to Janet’s place and on the way Janet was on the phone making arrangements with Diane’s parents.

 

“OK, so that’s dealt with. When we get home, you can settle in and I’ll drive on over and bring Cassie some of her essentials, so she’ll be set for the night.”

 

“You’re very organized….” Sam was impressed with Janet’s crisis management skills.

  
“I just want to be able to focus on you completely.”  
  
“Forgive me, but I love the sound of that.” Sam grinned sheepishly.

 

“It would be nice if the cause for it would be less dramatic in the future. Hint, hint.”  
  
“I’m sorry, I agree and I’ll try my very best.”  
  
“That’s all I ask. Thanks. OK, here we are.” They parked in the driveway and then went inside. “I’ll grab some things and head on over to Diane’s parent’s place. I will be about 40 minutes, I think. You don’t have to be in bed. You can stay up but please don’t overdo it with anything okay?”  
  
“Yes, Doc. I think I’ll just watch some Netflix until you get back.”

  
“OK, see you in just a bit.” Janet was out the door quickly, so she could be back just as quickly.

 

Sam parked herself on the couch. Netflix turned out not to be much of an option as her headache was getting more severe by the minute. She groaned and held her head in both hands, doubling over from the pain. Oh, this was gonna be no fun at all. About 15 minutes passed and the pain had gotten steadily worse. Sam felt nauseous all of a sudden and almost sprinted to the bathroom. She made it just in time to puke her guts out. Twice. Shaky and sweaty she lay down on the couch, deciding that would be the best way to spend the time until Janet got back.

It had only been another 15 minutes when she heard Janet’s key in the door.

 

“Hey, I’m back. Everything okay here?”

  
“Hey yourself”, Sam said weakly and was annoyed with herself for not being able to suppress a groan while saying that.

 

Janet just hung up her jacket and then came over to Sam immediately.

 

“You sound worse than when I left you. Talk to me.” When Janet got closer to Sam she added, “you also look worse than when I left you, sweetheart.”

 

Janet dropped her business mode. They were alone, so she could be taking care of her with an added bonus of lots of TLC.

 

“Uh”, Sam closed her eyes, “my headache went from doable to really bad and I puked twice because of it.”

 

Janet looked worried: “That’s not good, Sam, but we’ll get you better, I promise. I’ll be right back and I think you should keep lying down on the couch until we see at least some improvement, okay?”

 

“Roger that.” Sam looked pitiful and wasn’t really about to move anywhere anyway.

Janet quickly returned with bunch of pills and a glass of water.

 

“Here, I want you to take two of these. They should take the edge of, so that you don’t have to throw up anymore.”

 

“Thanks.” Sam obediently took the pills and lay back down on the couch, groaning.

 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. If it helps, I think you’ll be feeling much better in a few days. So far I’ve not seen any symptoms that indicate something worse.”

  
“I can’t wait”, Sam said shakily and couldn’t suppress another groan.

Janet sat down on the couch beside Sam.

 

“I think we should settle in here for a while and then head to bed at around 10 and do the whole two hours sleep at a time thing.”

“Sounds good to me.”

  
Janet hesitated a moment but then asked: “You know, my lap is right here and has proven its pillow capabilities time and time again through Cassie’s naps, so… ”

  
At that Sam became the most animated Janet had seen her today.

 

“Oh, that sounds lovely.” Sam moved up on the couch a bit to be able to lay her head on Janet’s lap and sighed heavily when she finally settled into a position that worked for her.

 

Janet immediately began stroking Sam’s hair. She rested her other hand on Sam’s belly caressing her soothingly with tiny movements of her thumb.

 

She smiled when she heard Sam humming contentedly.

 

“Comfy?”

 

“Very!” Sam had closed her eyes.

 

“Good. But I have to do the annoying Doctor thing and tell you that you can’t fall asleep now, okay? You can sleep in two hour intervals tonight and if all is well, then tomorrow night you can sleep normally, okay?”

  
“Got ya. Hm. We better entertain ourselves then, huh?”

  
Janet smiled: “Yes. Hmm… I do have a question for you.”

 

“Wow, that was quick. Okay, ask away.”

 

“I’m not sure if you wanna discuss this but it’s been on my mind, so I’m just gonna ask: I’d still love for you to tell me what was so difficult for you about the situation in the infirmary after you came out of the coma.”

 

Sam sighed deeply. “It’s okay, I think the situation we’re in right now is actually a good one for me to tell you more about that.”

 

“Because you don’t have to look into my eyes?”

 

“Yes, I get emotional easily when I tell you something that is somehow difficult for me to share. Go figure.”

 

“Hm. Yes, go figure. I’m glad, you now feel you can trust me with it and share.”

  
“That’s not it. I trust you with my life, always have. Quite literally. I just got very insecure about how to handle myself with you at the infirmary that time.”

  
“But why, sweetheart? I felt so close to you that night. You didn’t feel that, too?”

 

Janet tried hard to understand what was going on in Sam’s head or heart as it may be the case.

 

“No, I did, absolutely. That was the problem actually.”

  
“Okay, tell me.” Janet was 100% focused on Sam and was still lightly caressing her belly and stroking her hair soothingly while listening.

 

“Okay. So, I never told you the full story about what happened the day I got shot. The night before I dreamed about the whole situation on that planet. In detail. I saw everything and I saw you getting killed by that Jaffa.”

 

“You had a premonition about my death?”

  
“Yes, it was absolutely horrific. I was too late arriving at your and Daniel’s location and had to watch how you died from a staff weapon wound.”

  
“I’m so sorry. Wait… that also explains your being so emotional when we briefly talked before we went through the gate that day. It really made me worry about you.”

 

Her voice trailed off. She paused. “And your nightmares that night at the infirmary, they were that same dream, right?” Janet’s voice was full of compassion.

  
“Yes, kind of but with the added dimension that they were kind of set after the premonition so what they showed me was me failing to save you when I already knew you were in danger. And every time I woke up from those I had a brief moment were I wasn’t sure if in reality you were dead or alive.”

 

Sam felt sick just thinking about those terrible moments.

 

“So, when you made your little suggestion about holding me through the night, you don’t know how perfect that was. Had I had another nightmare, you would have been right there in my arms when I woke up. No worrying about whether you’re dead or alive. You’d have been right there holding me.”

 

Janet smiled: “I’m glad I suggested it and I’m glad you let me do it.”

 

“The thing is, after that premonition”, Sam continued, “I tried to figure out how I could prevent your death that day. And I figured I just had to be at the scene a tiny bit earlier, so I could take care of that Jaffa. So I talked to Daniel. I was sure Jack would send him along with you, as he so often does and I told Daniel to radio Jack immediately once you two had a patient to take care of but no one to cover you.”

 

“And he did just that…,” Janet wasn’t asking. She was remembering.

 

“Yah, he really came through for me. Didn’t ask many questions at all. He just did what I asked. Bless him.”

 

Sam took a hold of Janet’s hand that was resting on her belly and gently ran her fingertips over the soft skin.

“I can’t tell you what those minutes felt like on that planet when I had to wait for Daniel to radio us. It was awful. I just wanted to cover you the whole time but that was not an option.”

 

“You did get to me in time though. I just wish saving me hadn’t meant that you had to get hurt so severely.”

 

Janet’s voice was shaky due to the vivid memories flashing before her eyes but also because Sam caressing her hand so tenderly had made her whole arm erupt in goosebumps.

 

Sam now turned Janet’s hand around and absent mindedly started drawing little circles with her fingertips in the palm of Janet’s hand. The sensation was sublime and for some reason it translated directly to other places on Janet’s body. She closed her eyes for a moment relishing every second.

 

“Yah, that wasn’t exactly planned”, Sam continued, “but I had no other choice and I’d do it all over again, if I had to.”

  
Janet’s eyes brimmed with tears listening to Sam.

 

“But anyway, the premonition itself and then that situation on the planet fearing I may really come to late… it was such a wake up call, Janet. I had always ruled out trying to be anything more than friends with you because I thought you weren’t interested and even if you were, there were still Air Force regulations to follow. But that day… especially in light of that talk we had at the coffee shop, it just made me realize that I don’t want to have any regrets anymore. If you had died that day, we would have missed out completely at finding out whether we could have been awesome together. And I decided that day, that I wouldn’t let that happen for real. I was gonna try and see if you were interested at all and where that may lead us eventually.”

Sam hesitated, “but I had a hard time following through with that decision. I was afraid of your reaction if I approached you about it directly. What if I had misinterpreted our flirting and you weren’t interested at all. So that was what I was struggling with that day and I got very upset with myself, when I gave you a hard time about using the word “romantic” in connection to our Friday nights. But I was only being a jerk because I had no idea how to talk to you anymore. I felt terribly insecure and overcompensated by trying (and failing) to be funny.”

  
Janet gently squeezed Sam’s hand.

“It didn’t help that I kept my own intentions about deepening our friendship so vague when we talked at the coffee shop. I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t have been so chicken about it.”

 

Janet felt bad having complicated the whole situation by being insecure.

 

“I guess we both were struggling how to apply new parameters to our relationship.”

 

“Put very romantically, Major” Janet used the word on purpose and was chuckling and ruffled Sam’s hair a bit. Sam smiled and was glad the conversation was turning lighter again.

 

“That’s me. Romeo is my middle name.”

  
Janet laughed out loud. “Actually, I am pretty sure that you are very romantic if given a chance.”

  
“You planning to give me one?” Sam asked.

 

“Absolutely. Can’t wait to get to know that side of Sam Carter.”

 

Janet positively longed to get to see Sam’s romantic side … and be the focal point of it.

 

“So anyway”, Sam was getting tired rapidly now, probably a combination of the pills as well as the concussion itself, “that was why I was being so weird. I had no idea how to broach the subject that night and ended up making things majorly awkward.”  
  
“It wasn’t that bad at all, sweetheart” Janet leaned down to kiss Sam’s forehead.

 

“I was just worried about you. Not knowing what you were struggling with was difficult for me. I’m glad you could tell me now.”

 

Sam yawned impressively.

“Okay, someone is tired, huh? I think we can head to bed now anyway, for that first two hours of sleep that is.”

 

“Yay,” Sam yawned some more.

 

“Sorry, turns out a concussion is exhausting.”

  
“I know it is. Let’s head to bed.” Janet was about to disentangle herself from Sam and get up.

 

“Wait.”

 

“Hm?”

  
“Can you lean down to me one more time?”

  
Janet smiled. “I wonder what you’re up to… “

 

She knew of course. She leaned down to Sam and wasn’t surprised at all to find Sam kissing her softly.

 

“Thanks for listening and understanding.” She whispered.

 

“Always”, Janet whispered back.

 

They went to bed and Janet held Sam until she fell asleep. After two hours it was time for the first check up of the night. Gently Janet caressed Sam’s face to wake her.

 

“Sam, time to wake up, come on”.

 

“Hmm, I’m awake, I’m awake”. Sam said but wasn’t really, yet.

 

“Good, here comes the first question to see if you’re doing alright: What’s the correct reply to “hey you””?

  
Sam laughed: “”Hey yourself”, of course.”

 

“Perfect, thought I’d warm you up with that one.” Janet smirked.

  
“Oh I’m warm alright.” Sam snuggled up closer to her.

 

“Okay, stay awake for a minute longer though. Here’s the real one: tell me, when is Cassie’s birthday and how old is she.”

  
“She turned 15 this year on June 6th.”

 

“Perfect again. I really don’t think we’ll find an issue but we still need to follow through with this tonight.”

 

Janet felt bad having to disturb Sam’s sleep all night long but it was better to be safe than sorry.

 

“It’s no biggie. Can we go back to sleep now?”

  
“Yep.”

 

“How about I get a kiss for correct replies?” Sam asked boldly.

 

“Hm. That can be arranged.” Janet leaned in to softly kiss Sam and she let the kiss linger a bit longer than they usually allowed themselves to do.

 

“Oh,” Sam’s breathing was a little uneven, “what did I do to deserve that one?”

  
“Well you answered not one but two questions correctly.”

 

“Ha, maybe we can always do several questions at once? I like the prolonged kissing…”

  
Janet chuckled. “We’ll see about that. Sweet dreams for now.”  
  
Janet slept restlessly. She dreamed about Sam getting shot on P3X-666 and in her dream Sam died in her arms. She was holding her and crying, screaming “no” over and over again in her dream, when she finally woke up.

 

Breathing hard and sweating, she realized she was crying for real, too. Janet disentangled herself from Sam careful not to wake her and went into the adjoining bathroom. She was so shaky and upset from the dream that she let herself cry for a bit. It had felt so real. Suddenly Sam was gone. All the hope she had had for so long about possibly making a life together was gone along with her.

 

Janet felt like someone had put her heart in a vice. She tried to calm herself down and focused on her breathing to try and relax.

 

 _Sam is right in the next room. Very much alive. Stop panicking. It was just a dream_ , Janet kept saying to herself like a mantra. But the tears wouldn’t stop. Janet knew it wasn’t just the dream. It was clearly also the delayed reaction to Sam’s accident. It was frightening to think how quickly they could lose each other. How quickly things could end before they had even really begun.

 

There was yet another dimension to why this was making her so emotional but she couldn’t quite grasp it just yet.

 

Sam woke up sensing something was off. When she saw that Janet wasn’t by her side, she knew that that was it. Or part of it. Something had woken her up. She checked the alarm clock. Nope, the two hours weren’t up yet. Then she heard it. Muffled but still audible sobbing sounds coming from the bathroom. She immediately felt as if someone had reached inside her and was squeezing her heart none too gently.

 

She got up immediately, or wanted to. The concussion made her so dizzy that she sat on the edge of the bed for a second to be steady enough to go check on Janet. When Sam got to the bathroom she found the door wasn’t closed. She saw Janet stand in front of the sink, leaning on it and hanging her head. She didn’t register that Sam was there at all.

 

Quickly Sam went over to her and wrapped her arms around her from behind, resting her chin on Janet’s left shoulder. “Hey, honey, … what’s wrong?”

 

Janet sighed and smiled through her tears. She leaned back against Sam and put her arms over Sam’s arms where they crossed over her belly.

She looked up and into the mirror so she could look into Sam’s eyes.

 

“I woke you.”, she checked the clock on the shelf next to the mirror, “and even before you had to be up again. I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t worry about it. What’s wrong?”

 

“I’m just being silly. I just had a dream and I’m upset over it. That’s all.”

 

It wasn’t all but Janet wasn’t really sure herself about what else in connection to that was riling her up so much.

 

“I’m sorry”, Sam kissed Janet’s neck softly and then looked in the mirror again to find Janet’s eyes. They looked at each other.

 

“What happened in the dream?”

 

“I saw you die.” Janet started sobbing again and turned around in Sam’s arms.

 

Sam held her even more tightly than before.

 

“I’m right here”, she whispered, “and I’m okay. It wasn’t about the accident though, was it?”

 

“No, it was when you tried to save me from that staff weapon shot and got hit. Just that I couldn’t save you this time and had to watch you die in my arms.”

 

Sam closed her eyes. “I’m so sorry, you had such an awful dream.”

 

She didn’t comment on it but of course it perfectly mirrored her own recurring nightmare about failing to save Janet and having to watch her die right in front of her. Sam knew exactly what Janet must be feeling.

 

Sam leaned back a little and put a finger under Janet’s chin to gently get her to look up at her. She searched her eyes for a long moment and tried to convey her feelings while they looked into each other’s eyes.

 

She decided that wasn’t enough and leaned in to first kiss away Janet’s tears and then kiss her lips tenderly. She allowed herself to prolong the kiss this time, her lips gently capturing Janet’s upper lip first, then letting the tip of her tongue trace it slowly before she lavished the same attention on Janet’s lower lip as well. They both sighed softly. The kiss wasn’t so much blatantly sexual as it was intensely sensual and full of emotion.

 

When they finally broke the kiss, they kept holding each other tightly for a long time. Cheek to cheek, faces buried in each other’s hair, breathing against each other’s necks.

 

“I’m so glad you’re here”, Janet whispered.

 

“Me too. I never want you to be alone when you’re upset over something. I want to always be there and try to make it better somehow.”

  
Janet gave Sam another tight squeeze. And then let go but held both of Sam’s hands. She got on her tiptoes and kissed Sam lightly again.

 

“You definitely made it better tonight, sweetheart. Thank you.”

  
“I’m glad”, Sam beamed at her.

 

“Let’s try and get a bit more sleep now.”

  
“Okay.”

 

The rest of the night was uneventful albeit broken into more two-hour pieces. Sam showed no signs of a more severe head injury, so when they arrived at their last two hour window of sleep, Janet made it three hours, so they’d not be quite as zombified in the morning. When they finally woke up to start the day, they had a hard time letting go of each other. They lay in each other’s arms talking for over an hour before they finally got up to have breakfast.

 

 

They had almost finished when Janet mused, smiling:

 

“You know, I’m not sure how we managed it exactly but I think we turned a “concussion watch” night into something actually romantic.”

 

“I agree. Go us, huh?!” Smirking, she high-fived Janet who broke into laughter.

 

Staring at the kitchen table they were sitting at for a moment, Sam added:

 

“Imagine what we could do with an actual romantic night then, … minus the drama.” She looked up at Janet shyly but smiling wistfully.

 

Janet studied Sam’s eyes for a long moment as if pondering this thought in a highly scientific way and then smiled:

 

“Indeed. The mind boggles…”


	7. Revelations

“All the fear has left me now  
I'm not frightened anymore  
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh  
it's my mouth that pushes out this breath  
and if I shed a tear I won't cage it  
I won't fear love”

 Sarah McLachlan

 

„And I would be the one.  
To hold you down.  
Kiss you so hard.  
I'll take your breath away.“ 

Sarah McLachlan

 

„I'd walk into the fingers  
Of your fire willingly  
And dance the edge of sanity  
I've never been this close“ 

Indigo Girls

 

 

In the past few weeks Janet had started to spend her weeks longing for Friday evenings, so she could spend time with Sam off-base. Today was only Thursday though, so Janet was at home by herself.

 

She was sitting on the couch, lost in thought. All week she had been thinking back on their last Friday night together, still wondering why that nightmare had gotten her so intensely emotional. She pondered it some more now.

 

Yes, she had been on edge that whole day anyway, ever since she had heard that Sam had been in an accident. That news was a shock and had scared her terribly.

The nightmare itself was brutal in its imagery and finality.

So, there you go.

Two very valid reasons to be upset.

But there was still more to it.

 

Why couldn’t she get there? She couldn’t figure herself out. It was as if her thoughts were hitting a wall that wouldn’t come down.

 

She stopped trying so hard and let her mind wander a bit.

 

Suddenly the (rather obvious) realization popped into her head, finally, that Sam’s nightmare was the perfect mirror image of her own.

That triggered a whole cascade of thoughts that shot through Janet’s brain at almost lightning speed now:

 

Sam’s reaction to her nightmare had been visceral.

She was crying, screaming and very visibly in utter emotional turmoil and despair.

It was powerful.

It was overwhelming.

And the effect turned out to be so strong that that night in the infirmary she had been talking in her sleep.

And all the feelings the dream had brought to the surface boiled over to culminate in a single all encompassing emotion:

Sam, while still sleeping, had clearly said “I love you” to the dead Janet in her dream and had clearly felt it with all her being.

 

Janet’s reaction to her own dream was just as visceral.

She had woken up still crying and feeling sick to her stomach with the feeling of having just lost Sam forever.

It was powerful.

It was overwhelming.

And all the feelings the dream had brought to the surface had boiled over and reduced her to a sobbing mess that night, culminating in an overwhelming perfect storm of emotion that was so completely new to her that up until now she had utterly failed to truly recognize it for what it was, seeing only the overpowering grief she had felt but being blind to the true reason for it.

 

It was painfully clear to her now and she had no idea how she could have not realized it until before:

 

She wasn’t just “in love” with Sam anymore.

She loved Sam.

Completely. Unconditionally.

Envisioning a life without her in it had become an impossibility.

 

The realization was and felt so absolutely true and right, it was overwhelmingly beautiful but also scary in its intensity and for a second it knocked the breath right out of her.

 

When she had gained a bit of control back, she was breathing unevenly and her heart was racing.

 

She should tell Sam! Or should she?

Sam hadn’t actually said it to Janet for real at all, just in her dream. So, Janet would be taking a risk being the first to say it.

  
_Don’t be stupid_ , she thought, _of course, you need to tell her. Who cares who says what first. This isn’t high school anymore. I need to see her. I need to tell her. And just take it from there and see what her reaction is._

 

Janet was trembling. The possibilities were overwhelming but there was also that kernel of doubt, telling her Sam might not be feeling the same way. After all she had just said it in a dream.

 

 _Stop it_ , Janet tried to reign her insecurities back in. _Either you tell her and you might actually have a chance at getting what you wish for or you don’t and nothing at all changes. So yeah, you’re gonna tell her alright!_

 

That was all the pep talk she needed.

This couldn’t wait until Friday either.

She picked up her cell phone and dialed Sam’s number.

 

“Hey”, Sam simply answered, having seen Janet’s number.

 

“Hey yourself.”

 

“What’s up? Are you still at work?”

 

“No, I’m at home already. You?”

 

“Me too, just got in actually. What’s up? You sound strange. Are you okay? Something happen at work?”

 

Sam sounded concerned.

“No, don’t worry, nothing happened. I’m sorry I feel stupid about this already. I probably shouldn’t have called.”

 

“Janet, come on, spill it. I’m getting worried here.”

 

Janet sighed audibly and with a very shaky voice she muttered to herself, “wow, I can’t do this.”

 

Sam’s heartbeat was going about a mile a minute at this point.

“Honey, what is it? Talk to me, you really don’t sound good and I’m about to freak out here. What’s wrong?”

 

Janet tried to get a grip and finally said: “I’m sorry, I promise I’m fine but I just really need to see you. I know it’s not Friday yet but could you possibly come over anyway?”

 

“You don’t need to say another word. I’ll be there in about 20 minutes okay? And whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. You’re not alone with it, okay?”

 

Janet truly hoped she wasn’t alone with it.

 

What she said out loud was: “Okay, can’t wait for you to be here. Drive carefully.”

 

“Sure thing. Be right there.”

  
Sam hung up, grabbed her key and helmet and went straight outside and got onto her motorcycle. Before driving off she took a minute to calm herself a little.

 

 _It can’t really be that bad, she wants me to be there, so it’s not something about us at all. So just stay calm and get there and be there for her. Whatever she needs_ , Sam told herself.

 

***

 

When Janet opened the door it was clear she was nervous.

 

“Hey you.” Sam said desperately trying to read Janet’s face.

 

“Hey yourself!”

 

“Okay, come here.” Sam said and pulled Janet into a tight embrace.

 

“I’m not sure what’s going on with you but I’m hoping this helps a bit with whatever it is.” Sam whispered and wouldn’t let go of Janet.

 

“It’s perfect, sweetheart. Just what I needed”.

 

Janet didn’t want that hug to ever end. She had her eyes closed tightly and was holding on for dear life.

 

They stood like that for long minutes.

 

“Thank you”, Janet eventually muttered, when she finally let go of Sam.

 

“Did that help?”, Sam reached for Janet’s hand, not wanting to lose contact completely.

 

“Are you feeling better?”, Sam was still trying to read Janet’s face.

 

“It helped a lot. You being here, helps a lot.”

 

“I’m glad”, Sam tried to will herself to relax but she was still worried about Janet. “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

  
Janet paused for a long time and then got on her tiptoes, held Sam’s face in both hands and kissed her softly. “I will but can you be patient a bit? I want to tell you but I just haven’t quite figured out how yet.”

 

“No problem, as long as you tell me, you’re alright and haven’t gotten some awful news about some terrible disease or something… because that’s where my mind went during that phone call earlier.”

  
“No, no! I’m sorry, sweetheart. Everything is okay with me, I’m not sick. I’m sorry I scared you. I’m probably still doing that. Things are fine, though, I promise you. I just needed to see you. And I need to tell you something, like I said but I wanna figure out first how best to do that, okay?”  


“Okay,” Sam relaxed a little. “Can I hold you while you figure it out?”

  
Janet smiled: “It’s a requirement, actually. So, yes, please do. Let’s just hang on the couch, okay? I’ll put on some Sarah McLachlan and we’ll just relax. Could you just hold me and please stop worrying?”

 

“I can do the first part. Not sure if I ever completely stop with the second part though. Kind of comes with the territory.”

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

They had been sitting on the couch all evening talking and listening to music. As the evening progressed Janet went from leaning against Sam’s right side to eventually having her head on Sam’s lap, with Sam’s right arm draped over her belly casually. With her left hand Sam was continuously lightly stroking Janet’s hair.

 

The sensation was unbelievably soothing and Janet felt all stress and anxiety leave her. She lightly stroked up and down Sam’s arm while they talked and ended up slowly caressing her hand. At first she mimicked what Sam had done to her the other day: slowly drawing little circles with her fingertips in the palm of Sam’s hand. Eventually she gently kissed Sam’s fingers, letting her lips just very lightly brush against the skin in the softest possible caress.

 

Looking at her own and Sam’s hand together, Janet was finally getting ready to tell Sam how she felt. The situation was wonderful and perfect and with Sam close like this, Janet felt safe to tell her anything. She wasn’t as afraid of the reaction anymore.

 

Taking a deep breath Janet was about to open up to Sam when it suddenly occurred to her that she was doing the same thing she had done during Sam’s coma, whenever she had a moment alone with her.

 

It also occurred to her that Sam had fallen silent now and that her breathing had changed. She felt her draw a shaky breath and felt tears fall onto her cheek.

By the time Janet realized that Sam was crying, she had already kissed the top of her head lightly and muttered “I need a minute. Be right back”.

 

Sam left Janet on the couch and stepped out of the room onto the deck, closing the glass door behind her, leaning back against it for a moment while she was catching her breath and trying to get a hold of her feelings.

 

Worried, Janet sat up and watched Sam now standing on the deck, arms crossed in front of her gazing out into the night. She felt guilty for having kept Sam hanging all evening about what was going on with her. It was a lot of emotional stress to be putting on her and all just because Janet was scared out of her mind to take the next step and risk finding out that Sam may not feel exactly the same way. It wasn’t fair to Sam at all. She was clearly struggling now.

 

Janet was tempted to follow her and hold her and let her cry or talk or both but she knew better by now than not to give her her space when she clearly needed it. So she tried not to let her stomach tie itself into knots about possibly being the cause for Sam’s distress.

She tore her eyes away from Sam, got up and went into the kitchen to make herself some tea. Doing something would certainly help to not overthink things.

 

The night air was cool but not unpleasantly so. The light breeze had already dried Sam’s tears. When she had felt Janet kiss her fingers, she at first had had the most powerful sense of Déjà vu making her head swim but as the kissing went on it turned into a full-blown flashback.

 

Everything came rushing back. Sam remembered. The coma. Weeks of Janet taking care of her in the infirmary. Hearing her talk to her, feeling her kiss her fingers in the exact same way she had just done again and not being able to talk or give her any kind of sign that she was struggling to wake up.

 

Reliving all of it, the overwhelming amount of tenderness and love that Janet had poured onto her during that time - it all came flooding back at once and it had reduced Sam to tears. Tears of gratitude and to an extent tears of disbelief at the turn of events in their lives.

 

There was also fear because this was Janet. Her best friend. Her rock through everything. She couldn’t mess this up. Janet was too important to her already and she was about to become so much more so. Who was she kidding? She ALREADY was more important to her than anyone else.

 

She couldn’t hide out here on the deck forever. Janet would be worried already.

Sam had made a decision anyway.

She knew how she felt.

She knew who she wanted.

She knew what she wanted.

And so what, if this was so real and intense that it drove her to tears at times?

Sam decided to finally let her feelings breathe and give them the outlet that they’d been craving for so long now.

 

She braced herself and stepped back inside.

 

“Hey you”, she spotted Janet on the couch, leaning forward a bit, warming her hands on a hot cup of tea, sipping at it carefully.

“Hey yourself! Are you alright?”, Janet’s eyes were full of concern and … some insecurity. _Damn, shouldn’t have taken so long or chickened out at all_ , Sam berated herself silently.

 

Slipping onto the couch behind Janet, so the petite brunette sat between Sam’s legs, she softly said: “I haven’t felt this good ever before, I think.” Janet put her cup of tea on the table in front of them and turned around a little to face Sam smiling softly: “Oh, really?” She felt relieved.

 

“Yup.” Sam wrapped her arms around her and rested her chin on her left shoulder. Janet leaned back and let herself relax against Sam’s body. “So… what happened just now? Are you okay to talk about it?”

Sam took a deep breath. “Yah, I know I freaked you out a bit. I didn’t mean to. I just couldn’t handle my feelings for a minute there and didn’t want you to have to witness a complete meltdown. I realize the way I handled it didn’t exactly make things any better, though. I’m sorry.” She placed a tiny kiss on Janet’s cheek.

 

“You don’t need to be sorry. I just want to understand, so I have a chance to help you through whatever it is you’re having such a hard time with.” Janet said sincerely.

  
“It’s not like that, really.” Sam tried to explain.

 

“When you kissed my fingers, … it felt wonderful, so incredibly intimate that it made me melt immediately” – Sam smiled to herself when she noticed the goosebumps erupting on Janet’s arm as a reaction to what she had just disclosed – “but it also triggered something. Memories, I didn’t know I had. Of things I never knew happened. I remembered feeling you kissing me like that in the infirmary after what happened on P3X-666. I know it looked like I was completely out and that’s probably why you even let yourself do what you did. You thought you were safe and could show any level of affection without fear of rejection or complications or whatever. And I’m so glad you felt free enough to allow yourself to do it. Because I remember now how often you did these little things. With how much tenderness you touched me, with how much love. Let alone how many hours you spent watching over me. And when you just kissed my hand again now... the sensation in the moment in combination with all of those memories of countless moments like that, it just hit me so hard. I thought from the start we had something very special but sometimes I get scared that maybe you don’t really feel the same way after all. But those memories wiped away those doubts completely.“

 

They were cheek to cheek all this time while Sam had been talking and she could feel Janet’s tears now and pulled her even tighter to herself as she kissed them away.

 

„I’m sorry I couldn’t respond at all during that time in the infirmary. I couldn’t talk or in any other way show you that your tenderness touched me so deeply and that you made me feel so safe. I never doubted you could bring me back. Not for one second. And all this time since then we have both been so careful with each other. Trying not to overstep any boundaries the other might have. Taking it slow, so we can be sure we won’t hurt each other by rushing into something we may not want in the long run. But I’m not insecure about us anymore. I know I want to be with you. I know I want you. So badly. And I don’t want to wait anymore to show you how I feel about you.“

 

Sam took a deep, shaky breath. “I love you, Janet.”

 

She thought she felt Janet tremble in her arms at her words and wasn’t there a tiny sigh too? _Easy now. Don’t get ahead of yourself_ , she thought to herself.

 

She realized she had been silent for a few moments and now Janet was downright shaking in her arms. Sam squeezed her. „Bit much to take all at once, huh? I’m sorry but I needed to get it out and get it out now or I was gonna burst.”

 

Sam felt guilty about putting this all on Janet without any filter. “But I’m so sorry if I’m putting you on the spot now and made you feel uncomfortable in any way.”

 

Aaaaand here come the insecurities again. Sam was now basically talking to herself: “I know we talked about being patient and taking it slowly but my feelings for you have become so overwhelming and holding back is becoming impossible.” She was rambling now. “But maybe you either still need more time or maybe aren’t even on the same page with me anymore after all and here I am crossing every line there is basically and... “   


“OH MY GOD, SAM!” Janet burst out under her breath while she struggled out of Sam’s embrace, turned around, climbed onto her lap and straddled her; all in one swift motion.

 

She took Sam’s face in both hands. Warm brown smiling incredulously at somewhat shocked bright blue. She leaned in even closer keeping her eyes fixed on Sam’s trying to convey all her determination and the full extent of her feelings. Never breaking eye contact she whispered: “Shh!” She punctuated that with a determined little nod and then kissed Sam softly to get her to stop talking for good for now. When she pulled back, she looked into Sam’s eyes, smiling softly, shaking her head slowly, almost imperceptibly at her, she collected herself and took a deep breath:

 

“Seriously, sweetheart? Are you kidding me? You remember everything and you still wonder if we’re on the frigging same page here? These past few weeks with you have been so wonderful and I’m glad we went slowly and were careful with each other but I have zero doubts anymore either that I want to be yours completely and in every way. I can’t possibly wait anymore. The answer to the question you’ve not exactly asked me yet, is: oh… my… god: YES, I feel the very same way. I want you. I need to be with you.” She paused, suddenly aware of just how pivotal this moment was for them. Close to tears because of the sheer intensity of her feelings, she finally said:  
“I love you, Sam. So much. It’s what I’ve been trying to get out all evening. I just didn’t know how. I was scared you might not feel the same way and… and… I…”

 

Sam couldn’t take it anymore. She leaned in and brushed her lips against Janet’s in an explosive combination of tenderness and passion that left absolutely zero room for doubt.

 

The sensation of their lips touching for longer and more intimately than the light kisses they had shared so far was exquisite and Janet quickly felt herself completely surrendering to it and where this was gonna take them. She forced herself to break the kiss though. She pulled back only as much as needed to be able to search Sam’s eyes for how she felt right now and if she really wanted this as much as Janet did. They could feel each other’s breath on their faces. Janet was still holding Sam’s face in her hands. One of Sam’s hands was at the back of Janet’s neck now, her fingers entangled in her hair. Her other hand was at the small of her back, pressing Janet as close to herself as possible.

 

They were both already breathing hard; less from the kiss than from the knowledge that they had just started a new chapter that would deepen so much still what they already had now. They both searched their eyes for fear, hesitation or doubt.

 

But each only found all encompassing love, desire and complete surrender to each other. “Sam?”

“Janet”, there was a storm of emotion raging in Sam’s blue eyes that was 100% focused on Janet and took her breath away, “I’m not gonna waste another moment not making love to you.”

 

There was no cell in Janet’s body that didn’t have a visceral reaction to Sam’s words.

There was also no cell that had any objections to the proposed course of action.

 

With Sam’s hand at her neck pulling her in for another kiss, her whole body melted against her. The kiss was different now. Each of them sighed softly against each other as their lips met again. Not carefully testing the waters anymore but insistent and more urgent and full of passion that desperately needed to be expressed in every possible way.

Their need for each other was now completely laid bare. It was raw, insistent and demanded their immediate attention. There was no room for rational thought anymore just complete focus on finding out exactly what the other needed and fulfilling that need as thoroughly as possible.

 

 

For long moments they were holding each other ever so tightly, desperate to be close. Their kissing intensified by the second. Eventually Sam allowed her hands to start exploring. She trailed them slowly down Janet’s sides, using only the backs of her fingers to brush against the soft material of Janet’s shirt on the way down. She made sure to include the sides of Janet’s breasts in the light caress and was thrilled when she felt her tremble slightly and moan softly against her lips at the contact.

 

Sam’s hands finally made it all the way down to Janet’s hips and then trailed down to her butt, cupping both cheeks firmly and abruptly pulling Janet harder against herself. A surprised gasp was Sam’s reward. Janet broke their kiss briefly and buried her face against Sam’s left shoulder, whimpering softly.

 

Sam sighed deeply against Janet’s ear and then captured an earlobe between her lips, gently running her tongue over it. She felt a shiver run through Janet’s entire body. When she buried her face in Janet’s hair for a moment, she closed her eyes. She wanted to freeze this moment in time but at the same time, she couldn’t wait to find even more ways to get Janet to make little noises and hopefully even not so little noises, eventually.

 

Sam ran her hands underneath Janet’s shirt. Brushing over Janet’s belly with the backs of her fingers, softly and slowly. There were instant goosebumps. Breathing hard Janet looked into Sam’s eyes while she let her hands slip beneath Sam’s shirt as well.

They both dove in for another hungry kiss and made quick work of getting rid of each other’s shirts. When they pulled each other close again, the first feel of skin on skin was electric. Everywhere their bodies met they seemed to be burning up.

It was hardly enough for either one of them though, so Sam ran her hands up Janet’s back and unclasped her bra, then tossed it out of the way without bothering to look where it went. Her eyes were glued onto Janet’s body.

 

“You’re so beautiful”, she whispered as she leaned in to place a kiss on a nipple that reacted immediately to her lips and tongue.

 

Shivering and at the same time melting profusely, Janet tugged upwards at Sam’s sports bra and thanked the universe (her own and any and all parallel ones) that she didn’t have to undo any clasp. Sam complied and raised her arms, so she could pull it off completely.

 

Gazing at Sam’s naked upper body reverently, she let her hands run over every inch of newly exposed skin and then gently massaged Sam’s breasts while brushing her thumbs over nipples that reacted just as instantly to her touch as hers had before to Sam’s.

Janet leaned in for another kiss but kept her hands busy right where they were.

 

Sam finally broke the kiss. Breathing hard she whispered: “You wanna take this to the bedroom?”

“Oh, yes”, Janet managed to reply breathlessly.  
“Alright, hold on tight”. Janet was still straddling Sam’s lap, so Sam grabbed her butt again and just got up with them entangled the way they were with Janet holding on tightly, her legs wrapped around Sam. They kissed the whole way to the bedroom until Sam carefully placed Janet on the bed.

 

She tiger-crawled on top of her immediately and stole another kiss for a moment, then she announced:

“Okay, these have to go” and started unbuttoning Janet’s pants and pulling them off in one swift motion. She got rid of her own pants just as quickly and immediately crawled on top of Janet again. Panties stayed on for now as Sam wanted to enjoy some more unwrapping a bit later and her goal was to tease Janet right until the edge of sanity before fulfilling her every need. To that end, for now, direct contact had to be minimized.

 

Hovering mere inches above her body, propped up on her left elbow, she finally straddled Janet’s right thigh and had to take a moment to cope with the heat and pressure of Janet’s thigh against her center.

She kissed Janet with an intensity that made her respond by moaning against Sam’s lips.

 

Sam’s right hand was free to explore and that’s exactly what she did. With featherlight touches she let her fingers slide down Janet’s side and over her hip, drawing circles around her belly button. Then she started back up at Janet’s knee and slowly stroked her fingertips up the inside of her thigh. Agonizingly slow and all the way up but stopping just shy of where her touch was most desperately needed.

 

By the time Sam started to playfully trace the outline of Janet’s panties with her fingertips, slipping them under the waistband just a little bit, Janet was whimpering almost continuously, her hands clutching the sheets and her hips bucking towards Sam, desperate for more contact.

 

Sam broke their kiss to be able to watch Janet’s face. She finally slipped her hand into Janet’s panties but still didn’t touch her. She let her hand hover over her, barely touching even the soft hair she found there. She let her thumb stroke the skin on the lowest part of Janet’s belly. The rest of her fingers were just hovering there.

 

Sam could feel the heat emanating from Janet and it took a lot of restraint not to just give in to the overwhelming urge to touch her and be inside her.

 

Janet’s eyes were pleading with her. After a few more moments Janet broke: “God, Sam! Please…”.

 

Sam smiled and complied but in the tiniest - yet still to Janet earth-shattering - way. When she let her middle finger press in between Janet’s folds gently, Janet threw her head back and rewarded Sam with a long, low moan, grateful for the contact. When she let her finger sink deeper and deeper between the folds and finally found the pool of wetness there, Sam involuntary bucked against Janet’s thigh.

“God, you’re so wet”, Sam whispered breathlessly and then kissed Janet passionately as she let her finger play in the wetness, circling her opening slowly, over and over again.

 

After a while of this torture, Sam knew she had to move things along, she could feel Janet nearing the edge. On each circle she started dipping her finger into Janet. Just the tip.

Again, and again and again.

Sam broke the kiss and searched Janet’s eyes.

Janet was close to tears. She had never experienced this level of tenderness before. “Sam, please… inside… now”.

It was all the permission Sam needed and she pushed her finger all the way into Janet in one slow, steady and strong stroke.

 

“Oh god, yes… finally.” Janet’s arched up from the bed closing her eyes, her mouth open in a silent moan. She felt Sam slip into her as deep as possible and when she was buried all the way inside, she finally pressed her whole hand against her, the heel of her hand firmly against her clit, moving in slow circles with just the right pressure. After only moments of this Janet’s world shattered for the first time that night. Little quakes and tremors were shaking her as her whole body bucked against Sam’s hand.

 

Sam just stayed there. Buried all the way inside and massaging Janet at the same time. Riding out her release with her, Sam was pressing her own center firmly against Janet’s thigh, feeling her spasm and listening to her moans and whimpers, drove Sam right over the edge with her.

 

She showered Janet’s face with tiny kisses but kept her hand still until Janet’s breathing had evened out a little and the spasms had subsided.

 

“Hey you”, she said smiling broadly when Janet opened her eyes again.

“Hey yourself”, Janet somehow managed to say, beaming back at her.

 

“Kiss me?”

  
“Yes, ma’am”.

  
Sam leaned in and kissed Janet tenderly. When they broke the kiss, Sam carefully pulled off Janet’s panties and then slid back up on her body, cupping Janet with her whole hand and diving back in for another kiss. She was massaging Janet soothingly while they kissed. When she started to feel Janet responding again she gently slipped her middle finger inside again slowly and all the way. She felt Janet moan against her lips and took that as her cue to keep going.

 

She stroked in and out of Janet in long, slow, languid movements. She was in no hurry anymore at all. If it was all up to her, she’d be doing this for the rest of her life.   


When Janet’s hips started bucking upwards against her hand, Sam intensified her movements. With each thrust Janet seemed to be gripping the sheets even tighter. Her head was thrown back and she answered every thrust with a low moan.

 

When Sam changed the angle slightly and was now hitting Janet’s g-spot every time she thrust her finger into her, Janet gasped: “God, yes!”. Sam was watching her face closely to see every emotion wash over her as she was moving inside her.

 

By the way Janet’s body was contracting around her fingers, Sam new Janet was close again. She pulled almost all the way out and then positioned a second finger at her entrance, pushing in only the fingertips but applying insistent pressure signaling she wanted to go deeper.

 

“Janet?” “Yes! Please! Just don’t stop!”

 

At that Sam thrust two fingers in hard and deep and then kept her hand buried deeply and set up a rhythm of short, hard stabs. Pushing into Janet over and over and over again.

 

The friction, the knowledge that it was Sam inside her and the wet sounds their bodies were making, it was all driving Janet very close to the edge, very quickly.

 

“God, yes …just …like … that…” Janet moaned in time with Sam’s movements.

 

But Sam had something else in mind. She gave Janet three more thrusts, that were even harder and deeper than before and then just stopped with her fingers buried as deeply inside of Janet as they would go.

 

Before Janet could complain Sam started alternately fluttering one of her two fingertips inside of Janet directly against her g-spot.

 

“Oh my god, Sam!”, as Janet’s body started convulsing Sam slipped off of Janet’s thigh, down her body and between her legs and dove in quickly to cover Janet’s clit with her mouth, sucking it in and running her tongue around and over it in strong strokes. All the while her fingers were still teasing Janet’s g-spot relentlessly.

 

“God, Sam, I’m… oh my God”, words eluded her as Janet’s orgasm hit her and lingered for long moments, shock wave after shock wave running through her body, while Sam’s mouth and fingers were still moving against her and inside of her.

 

Sam felt it all and hummed contentedly against Janet’s flesh, the tiny vibrations drawing out Janet’s pleasure even longer.

 

Trying to read Janet’s body as best as she could, Sam decided to let her fingers thrust into Janet again a few more times, hard and deep. On the fourth thrust she felt Janet’s inner walls clutch at her fingers tightly, clamping down on them almost painfully. She held her hand where it was and reluctantly released Janet’s clit from her mouth, looking up at her and waiting for the tremors to subside.

It was a beautiful sight. Janet was breathing hard. Her whole body covered in a light sheen of sweat, her breasts quivering with the aftershocks and her hands still curled into fists clutching the sheets.

 

When Janet’s body had relaxed enough for Sam to be able to move her fingers again, she carefully pulled out and slid up Janet’s body pulling her into her arms and holding her tightly.

Janet weakly wrapped her arms around her, still breathing hard.

 

“You, okay?” Sam whispered.

“More than! That was … wonderful.”

 

They shared a long, slow kiss. When Janet finally broke the kiss she moved down Sam’s body to remove her panties quickly, then climbed on top of Sam pinning her hands down over her head, intertwining their fingers. She leaned down to kiss and lick her way up Sam’s neck to her ear and whispered:

“I’m really curious to find out how much YOU enjoyed that just now.”

 

“Very, very much…” Sam closed her eyes and bit her lower lip, when Janet pressed her lower belly against her center. Both of them gasped and moaned at the contact: Sam at the much needed pressure and friction and Janet at the abundance of wetness she felt slicking her belly.

 

Janet breathed against Sam’s ear. “Hmm, I can feel that.”

 

She started undulating against Sam, pressing herself against Sam’s center in both deliciously slow and impossibly teasing, languid movements. Sam’s body was responding by arching up trying to maximize overall contact, her hips bucking up in rhythm with Janet’s movements desperately trying to increase the pressure where their bodies met. With zero success. All she wanted to do was grab a hold of Janet’s butt and pull her as tightly against herself as possible but she couldn’t move her hands. Funny how the tiny brunette developed such strength when she was this determined.

 

Janet was licking and kissing Sam’s earlobe but stopped to pull back a little and look into Sam’s eyes as she was moving against her. Sam was moaning continuously now.

 

“God, Janet, please… you’re driving me crazy…”

 

At that Janet smiled, “Mission accomplished then… well part of the mission.”

 

“Wow, you have an evil side, woman.” Sam chuckled despite her current state of impossible arousal. When Janet finally let go of her hands, things went so quickly that Sam had no opportunity to pull Janet tighter against her and finally have a chance at release.

 

Instead Janet started kissing and licking her way down her body. She lingered a while just below Sam’s navel, lavishing attention on the soft skin there, very aware of the proximity of where her attention was actually needed. Sam’s whole body was trembling in anticipation and she closed her eyes and reached down to brush her fingers through Janet’s hair. She felt suddenly close to tears. A mixture of feeling completely overwhelmed by the sensations in the moment and having been right on the edge of release for such a long time now. Next thing she knew, she felt Janet’s breath against her wetness.

 

“Janet…”, she started to plead with her again but was cut short, gasping, “Oh my God!” She felt Janet’s tongue licking her from her opening up to her clit, slowly. And again. And again. She could feel the tremors of her orgasm starting. When Janet suddenly slipped two fingers deeply into her, it finally pushed her over the edge for good. Janet thrust into her several times but stopped when Sam’s inner walls clamped down on her fingers so hard that she couldn’t keep moving.

  
Leaving her hand where it was she moved up Sam’s body and pulled her onto her left side, holding her close with her other arm while Sam’s body was convulsing still in the aftermath. She showered Sam’s face with tiny kisses.

 

When the quakes and tremors finally subsided, Janet started to pull her hand free.

 

“No, wait, stay there”, Sam whispered, stopping her. She let her right hand trail down Janet’s body, finally slipping it in between her legs, her fingers finding Janet’s opening, circling it. She pushed two fingers in deeply.

“Oh God, yes…”, Janet gasped.

 

When she started setting up a rhythm of steady long thrusts, Janet took the cue and moved her fingers as well again and in time with Sam’s. They gazed into each other’s eyes as they moved inside of each other and then kissed hungrily as they started to move faster and harder.

They just broke the kiss when their mutual orgasms shook them, trembling and moaning in each other’s arms for a long moment.

 

Once they had sufficiently recovered and lay side by side looking into each other’s eyes, Janet went:  
“Hey you.”

  
“Well, hey yourself!” Sam chuckled.

 

“You know what?”

  
“What?”

  
“It’s a good thing it’s Thursday”, Janet mused.

 

“It is? How come?”

 

“Because tomorrow is Friday and we can do this all over again”, Janet smirked.

 

“Honey, I really don’t think I can limit this to Friday nights.”

 

“Promises, promises.”

 

“Oh, it’s like that, is it?!” Sam took the challenge immediately and rolled on top of Janet, pinning her down. “Watch me”, she said, as she kissed her way down Janet’s body.  
  
Neither of them had any nightmares when they finally fell asleep that Thursday night.

 

“if you're worried about your body well let's go and find out.  
If you're worried in your heart that no one is loving you.  
I can tell you now angel, I'll cover you.” 

Catie Curtis


End file.
